Monday, 4 February 2008

Sam: You WIN, you lose


Imagine an international organisation that has branches in every country in the world, that spies on every single person, every single day, that makes secret judgements that could affect you for the rest of your life. Sounds like a paranoid nightmare right?

Well according to one agent, after being plied with considerable quantities of champagne, this organisation exists. And it puts the CIA, MI5 and KGB to shame. It’s called WIN and 52% of the population are its agents.

What is WIN? The Women’s International Network. The agent obligingly provided me with some examples after I suggested that it was OK not to pay for everything on a first date.

Example 1. Guy takes girl on date. Guys doesn’t pay for whole bill, WIN is informed. Guy is blacklisted by all her friends in her entire group. Apparently if he is not going to pay for dinner, how is he going to manage when she wants kids?

Example 2. Girl meets new guy, it’s starting to get serious, but he’s not in her immediate social network. Word goes out on WIN, someone knows someone and soon she has a report on his entire relationship and financial history.

Let’s not even go into what she told me about men and affairs.

Facebook is a key tool for WIN, as it allows quick international communication for its agents. And actually, a recently study found that in our modern connected world, there are now actually only four degrees of separation between us and every other person on the planet. So put the word out on Facebook about pretty much anyone, and you are easily guaranteed an answer back.

Now as a man, not only does this make me slightly paranoid, but it strikes me as deeply unfair. In comparison to WINs massive resources, men are stumbling around in the dark. If a women treats him like rubbish, a man probably won’t even mention it to his mates in the pub. Even it he did he probably wouldn’t suggest his mates steer clear of her. And the idea of actually knowing her relationship and financial history by the second date is beyond comprehension for most men, we are lucky if we know that after the first year of living with her!

WIN is like an international relationship credit agency, watching your every relationship transaction, with no appeal on its decisions. An FOI request to find what’s on file and make corrections won’t work on WIN. It’s Big Sister, on steroids.

In comparison, MIN, the Man’s International Network, effectively has one agent, who never talks to anyone.

So next time a woman is making seemingly innocent interested inquiries about your relationships, or your job, just remember that she just might be compiling a dossier for judgement by a secret WIN panel.

Men, be careful. WIN is watching.

16 comments:

Peach said...

awwwww, that sounded slightly sorry for yourself! But hilarious!

But it's NEARLY true, because of guess what, the FAVOURITE 'C' word of us all...

.. no not C*NT

.. no not COMMITMENT

but

... COMMUNICATION

why on EARTH are you all (allegedly) so shit at it, you invented the telephone and internet didn't you?

P

Boy said...

I'll be the first to admit MIN is behind the times, but I think we're getting better. Slowly, we will change the balance!!

BeachGirl said...

What?
Are you *actually* suggesting that women have some kind of secret spy network/ conspiracy?!
Even MI5 takes several months to do security vetting on people applying to work there! Months! Do you seriously think the majority of women have time to do that?
As for international...maybe I'm boring, but I only have a couple of friends who live abroad!
I *wish*. Do tell me where to find this WIN though, the idea of getting a background check on the next guy I date sounds good to me.
Not.
I would actually prefer to find things out for myself.
I hope I'm not overreacting, but this sounded like having a rant at women to me.

Clair said...

I think Sam's actually being FUNNY about the way women gossip about relationships, and men don't.

Lilith said...

I'm feeling sorry for you guys, but I'm afraid I'm a proud member of WIN. And saying that all my girlfriends are not part of the organisation would be a dull lie...
Good luck! ;)

blacksilk said...

I see what you're getting at here behind all the 007 business.

It's still nonsense though. At best it's an over-generalisation. We don't all work like that. We're not all conniving bitches, you know. Some of us are better than all that.

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

I don't think 'conniving bitches' has anything to do with it, Blacksilk. It's more to do with women looking out for each other and actually discussing relationships and men not. Will expand on this tomorrow...

Zuzanna said...

Yes, women like to talk with their friends about things that are important in their lives and obviously relationships belong to this category! It is often really helpful to find out that it didn't just happen to me but other girls have similar experiences.

Men, on the other hand, seem to have some unspoken pact to never ever discuss these things even if they are really bothering them. WHY?

blacksilk said...

"I don't think 'conniving bitches' has anything to do with it, Blacksilk. It's more to do with women looking out for each other and actually discussing relationships and men not. Will expand on this tomorrow..."

Well it was called unfair in the article. Frankly, I can't stand all that bitching after a relationship breaks up. Suddenly, despite knowing all the facts, the woman's friends become poisonous harpies when it comes to the lad concerned. Ever thought it might have been equally her fault? Few people present an unbiased view in these situations, tis cruel to judge based on it.

I've seen no evidence that women look out for each other like this. It's hardly universal. I'd say competition generally is more likely than support. the female hierarchy is a terrifying one if you come across it.

Lily Lane said...

Disappointing. This blog doesn't even attempt to understand the networking of men and women; just confirms the alienation of the two sexes.
For a blog that should be opening discussion between men, there are an awful lot of comments from women throughout. Maybe you need to rethink what it is that men need to open up about, because I daresay "I don't get how women work" is one of the more popular topics anyway.

Canuckian's Evil Twin said...

i thought the post was funny. :o)

i do agree with lilylane though, although it's good to have a laugh once in a while about men never understanding men and vice versa, i would like to see men (whether on this blog or not) actually take steps towards a constructive dialogue where they DO try to understand women, or at least make it clearer for women to understand men! why do you think so many women read this blog?

Canuckian's Evil Twin said...

oops, i meant "men never understanding women"...

Angela-la-la said...

Crikey, this one hit a nerve didn't it?!

Calm down, girls! Take the post as it is, a fairly gentle pisstake of the way women talk - dare I say, gossip! - and generally look out for each other but men have to navigate the relationship jungle without such gender supportive sat-nav.

I for one am glad I'm in WIN rather than MIN...

Ms. Mary Mack said...

I though it was funny, but I do have to say I have had the opposite experience. My exs told everyone they could about what a jerk they thought I was.

beachgirl said...

OK.
The sinister cabal thing did *not* help (to me it reflected the idea, often used by sexists and anti-semites, that "they" have some secret network and are conspiring to take over...please note, I am *not* saying that sexism or racism was intended by the author!)
On reflection, what annoyed me about the post though was that it is yet another "men do this and women do that" Mars/ Venus type generalisation.
As comments on here say, I know some women who aren't into talking about their relationships and some men who are.
Yeah, I entirely agree that men should stop thinking emotions are soppy and girlie, and get talking.

Trixie Firecracker said...

I facebook stalk like it's my job!