Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Dave: the attraction of disloyalty

We’re often upset when we discover the woman we’ve just boned chose to have sex with us purely to alleviate the intense emotional void she’d been cultivating since her cat died, or ‘cos she’d accidentally overheard a friend commenting on her natural big-bones.

It’s not so much the pondering of whether it meant anything to her, though it can hit your pride, albeit as a distant after thought once you’ve finished strutting your stuff around town for a week – I got lucky, oh yeah, baby. The frustration lies in the considerable ease in which women are able to accomplish their task; plenty of guys ready and waiting without having to engage them in witty banter – a quick glance and deliberate brush of the hand across his genitals will do it.

Not so easy for us (you can get in quite a bit of trouble brushing a hand across the genitalia of a complete stranger).

Especially when your self-esteem isn’t at its peak. The lower you feel the tougher it is to sustain the necessary act required to secure the pull. This becomes a vicious circle of repeated rejection, further dejection, greater need for companionship and thus less ability to provide the appropriate cheery persona, etc.

Having been out of the ‘game’ for such a long time, confidence (never my strongest attribute, if indeed, it exists within me at all) has been at an all time low. I was sincerely wondering if I’d ever have sex again.

So I decided, following weeks of deflated deliberation, to visit a hooker. And one within my budget – not the best idea – weighing up the socially and emotionally ingrained indignity of the concept of paying for one of the most natural of human pleasures.

Needless to say, the entire process was incredibly unsexy and demeaning (for both of us no doubt). In a nutshell, my mind refused to allow my cock to get on with what it’s designed for – and it had nothing to do with the several drinks I’d consumed for Dutch Courage as my penis never seems to get as pissed as I do.

She forced a condom on to my flaccid member and sat back holding one leg in the air. Thoughts of shame, despondency and self-ridicule whirred around my head at volume until I sorrowfully mumbled an apology, dressed myself and fled, red-faced and £20 out of pocket.

Where is this going? Well, the last girl I was with, assumed, from my appearance, rather than my attitude or anything I’d said, that I was some kind of ‘player’ (I wish). Once we’d screwed a couple of times over the following weeks, it transpired that we got on well, better than well, we became best friends – so a relationship blossomed. A relationship which lasted longer than most marriages I’ve known.

That’s what hurt so much, once I’d dedicated myself to this person (as was my way) she, through personal insecurities and expectations based upon her father’s infidelities, decided I wasn’t cavalier enough (well, I am circumcised).

It wasn’t until I’d deigned to drunkenly visit a whore that her ‘passion’ returned. I neglected to tell her that I failed to perform because of feelings of self-loathing. Had I cheated on her with a non-working girl, I later discovered, it would have set me up in blowjobs for life.

However, she failed to understand that had I been sleeping with anyone else, I wouldn’t have stayed with her (possibly a greater attraction) but more to the point, it wouldn’t have made me more ‘manly’ but less so.

It may sound a little unsympathetic but then again, she left me. Hooked up with some geeky older family man and now lives alone. I guess it says a lot for my judgment. Though, until that disturbing turn around she’d always claimed to abhor such philandering.

Yet another example of that old adage ‘nice guys finish last’, as made homage to by numerous 80s teen flicks.


Dandelion said...

This is such a bloody interesting blog!

I'm gonna try your hand-brushing tactic asap.

Boy said...

Whilst all good guys know nice guys finish last, I think that's in the short term. It's a marathon, not a sprint (unless you're in the sack with me, in which case I break speed records) in life, and if you need any affirmation of this, watch Jeremy Kyle.

And £20? I've never used a prostitute, but I always assumed it was a lot costlier than that. Learn something new every day!

Anonymous said...

It is NOT that easy for us women to get laid as you describe it here!
Actually me and all of my single friends (and for the record, we're pretty and hot and all that) complain about the lack of any action.

Kat said...

My hubby's a nice guy and he finishes first with me. But I will admit that when I was younger I did tend toward the bad ones. I believe that the more sure you are about what you want, the easier it will come to you.

Julian said...

Blimey, where do we start? Like you, I'm lacking in self confidence and if it wasn't for the occasional dalliance with an ex (which is probably a very bad move, neither moving on one way or another) I'd not be having sex at all.

I agree, though, in my experience talking to other female friends they do seem to like the scallywags better, but a few of the guys are the same way too.
Perhaps more to the point is why are there so many of the rotters out there?

Anna said...

Your young lady sounds like she has complications. Most girls wouldn't be quite as overjoyed to hear that you'd been to a prostitute, something I'm sure you're aware of! I know for a fact that I never wanted anything but a nice guy, as long as he wasn't boring. Nice and boring are very different things.

Paula Yates' Wine Lodge said...

Yay, anon! Us ladies would love it if more men were upfront about a little love action. People think I'm fending offers all the time, and it couldn't be further from the truth - maybe it's my 'overconfidence' problem. But if boys like me, then please say so!

Anonymous said...

Hmm... Here's the thing from my perspective. I'm a nice guy at heart. But the only way I ever seem to attract the ladies is to be the "bad boy" - black leather trench coat, bad-ass car, running around like a philandering fool. Once I've gotten them into the sack, they then discover I'm actually a nice guy, and they usually stick around for a long while thereafter, but I have to "bait and switch" to get them into reach first. Sad but true.

As for the female who complains above about the lack of action, from a male perspective it seems to us that you could go up to just about any guy in a bar at closing time and say "Let's go". We don't generally have that kind of luck... The fact is, if you go up to a man and proposition him, he'll more than likely accept. If a man goes up to a woman and propositions her, his entire frail masculine ego is at risk - if the potential for rejection is more than about 10% then we need to have so much alcohol in us that you wouldn't be able to understand our slurred come-on line anyway. (Speaking of which come-on lines for women can be as simple as "Hi", whereas men always feel the need to use some big complicated line like "Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all night!")

paula yates' wine lodge said...

No cheese please, 'hi' is fine...and things aren't so desperate that I've got to wait to take home pissed, desperate boys at the end of the night!

B.E. Earl said...

Just about any woman I know can swing a dead cat around by it's tail and strike some guy who is more than willing to have sex with her.

Guys, in my experience, need a much larger dead animal with a tail to even reach a woman is willing to degrade herself to sleep with us.

Nice guys do finish last. Except Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid. He often finished first.

butterflywings said...

May I add my voice to the comments that it is *not* effortless for women to get sex!
If we freaking look like Pamela Anderson, maybe, but most of us look like real women.
And yeah, good comments from paula yates'...wait for desperate drunk guys at the end of the night, ugh, no thanks.
As for a woman propositioning a man - hmmm, can see her getting shot down rather nastily by some idiot who thinks it's the man's job!

Dandelion said...

Black leather trenchcoat:

If you are a guy and you get knocked back, no-one's going to call you a sad disgusting slag, are they? You're just doing what guys are supposed to do.

Just thought I'd mention it.

Dandelion said...

It does seem a bit rich to me that men who think it's fine to use women for sex have a problem when the boot is on the other foot. What is that about?

Krystal said...

Women who go for dick heads probably do so because they are insecure and believe that they don't deserve to be treated properly. Even the kindest, most loving of men can't do much in the way of changing a woman's deep rooted personal issues of insecurity, which in time will wear this nice man down. So rather than that, we pick the bad ones.

Obidom said...

I can so relate to this, I am not exactly the most confident bloke around (i was when i lived overseas but then i came back and fell in with my confidence sucking mates)
apart from occasional dating i have not had a serious relationship EVER (there was that girl i met on the internet but that was only weekends and she soon dumped me)

i go out and remain astounded at how my mate's can pull women with no problem, has about 3 dates a week and a bonk buddy on the go as well

and he is a 'nice guy'

i tried teh bad boy but it isnt me so i gave up on it, guess its time to just be cocky adnd see how far that gets me

And Ladies regarding men making the first move? Men have become so Emasuculated (is that a word!!) by modern day media we have literally 'lost our bollocks'

Michael Anderson said...

It's such a myth that "nice guys finish last." i think people who believe that are getting "nice" confused with "dull."

Here's a tip for any guys who find it hard to pull. Go up to a woman you fancy and start talking to her. It's really that simple. If you're stuck for things to say, just start with "hello" and a smile.

BTW, I think visiting a prostitute in order to improve your self esteem is a pretty idiotic thing to do and I'm not surprised it ended up in tears. If you want to reassure yourself that women find you attractive, try internet dating.

Ms. Mary Mack said...

I haven't had a date in two years and the only time I made the fist move was like 3 years ago and I was wasted. I'm just shy, and I never think anyone will be interested. How embaressing would it be to get turned down and have the fear that no one wants me be confirmed? I think it is easy for anyone with confidence, regardless of gender.

Anonymous said...

Don't knock working girls as a way of boosting confidence. It has worked for me.

Granted, my situation is probably unusual. A while ago I was paralysed in an accident (means I'm now a wheelie) and needed to work out if & how things still worked. I met a stripper who did "private" work & saw her a few times. Gave me a more confident space to experiment. Net result is that I'm now reasonably confident that I can deliver satisfaction in the bedroom despite my lack of "normal performance".

Unfortunately it hasn't solved the "who would actually want a long-term relationship with me now" dilemma!

Oh yes, and it was great fun (she is a really nice girl).

Lily Lane said...

To the guys who think women find it easy to pick up, and that just about any man would accept a proposition from a woman...

What about the overweight and unattractive women?
What about fat and ugly women?
Or the just unattractive women?
Or the just overweight women?

There are plenty of women who are unattractive in one way or another, but they still want sex you know, and they still want just as much.

The rule applies to both sexes: confident attractive people get laid and the rest get laid if they're lucky.
Unfortunately the world loves to judge books by their covers.