Wednesday, 27 February 2008

'Mr Sex': So did the earth move for you?


I don't know what you were doing when the Great Midlands (And Other Bits of England) Earth Tremor of 2008 struck, but I was sitting next to a large box of sex toys, and I immediately thought they'd all gone off at once and, I dunno, were going to leap out and wank me to death.

And yes, like all of you who were up and wondering what the hell was going on, and then calming down a bit, I thought the same thing as millions of people across the country; why wasn't I having sex at that precise moment? That would have been the best brag ever. Sulk.

12 comments:

Angela-la-la said...

I disagree. Surely the best brag ever would be that a bag of sex toys got so hot in your presence that they just had to find a way to become sentient enough to wank you to death?

The stuff of A&E legend, is that.

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Ha ha. I have a friend of a friend who works in that, um, field. When I asked her the question that everybody asks her when they know what she does, she said "Ten plastic soldiers, all tangled together, from a vagina".

I asked her if they were Nazis or Allies (because it's important - Nazis have ones that lie on the ground with machine guns, while Allies have ones that are running with bayonets), but she couldn't remember.

thegirl said...

Being wanked to death sounds pretty good to me.

Monozygote said...

Yeah, it is pretty gutting.

And a good argument for doing constant sex for the next ten years, just to make sure not to miss the next one.

Fat Not Fit said...

"Wank me to death" ah ha ha!

Just the right time for me to say hello, then! Been reading for a good few months now and love it. Keep it up. (Yes thats it)

Boy said...

The concept of being wanked to death sounds painful and scary, I have to be honest!!
It's the classic "I'd like to die having sex so I'd go out with a smile on my face": Who the fuck shags smiling? Imagine it... There you go.

Sassy said...

My feeling is, had you been having sex when the earthquake struck, you wouldn't even have noticed. At least, that's what I hope would happen to me. :)

JL said...

That's the funniest earthquake story I've ever heard!

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Well, it's a bit more amusing than 'I saw my entire village disappear into the earth', I'll give you that.

And I hope all our foreign readers are having a good laugh at our media's coverage of this 'Earthquake'.

monkey said...

why oh why would you be sat with a box of sex toy, the last time i looked men had the shittest sex toys on offer!!
you must get paid too much, get the sen some lotion and the right hand or move the box of the side of the bed and fill that gap with a lovely young lady!!

Devin said...

As a girl that works with boxes of sex toys, it can be pretty frightening when several go off at once in the box all by themselves.

Ms. Mary Mack said...

I live in the bay area of California (near San Fran) and that article you linked was ridiculous. Earthquakes are usually harmless and really fast. I like how your whole world rocks and earthquake is always the last thing people think of.

And if you are having sex, or doing anything moving about you are most likley not going to feel a thing during the quake.