Wednesday, 6 February 2008

'Mr Sex': Oh Shitting Hell, Not That Time Of Year Again


Oh God No. It's nearly Valentines Day. Thankfully, being single, I can take full advantage of the generous offer above, and drink myself into a guilt-free stupor a week tomorrow (or have a romantic evening with a lady friend in a bus shelter somewhere). But what about my unfortunate brethren who are still recovering from post-Xmas bank account meltdown who have left it too late to book restaurants, hotels, flower deliveries and all that nonsense?

Please, lady readers of Todger Talk - advise us on how to do Valentines Day properly without chucking money up the wall on stuff you neither want, need or can see through...

36 comments:

Boy said...

My 3 year relationship ended in January, so I'm now looking forward to a fantastic valentines day of NOT spending money and buying giant cards :D.

But I was wondering, do they sell valentines card en mass, like the boxes of 20 Christmas cards? :D

Anonymous said...

I think the trick is in making it personal. I don't want flowers or chocolates or - god forbid - a cute little teddy with "I love you" on, and I don't want to go to a restaurant to sit among sixty other couples all pretending they aren't a foot away from everyone else. My perfect Valentine's Day would be a trip somewhere that is meaningful - to an exhibition of an artist I like, or to a play I've been meaning to see - or a present that is similarly appropriate - a book that I wanted, or a DVD. And a beautifully made breakfast is worth a million times more than an expensive restaurant meal - plus you're closer to the bedroom! (Nudge nudge wink wink etc etc)

Essentially, therefore, the key is thoughtfulness and a dash of originality - something that shows you see your girlfriend as a person with a brain and with interests, not someone you need to bribe or placate so as to get into bed. But no pressure or anything!

Peach said...

I hate valentines day, it's contrived bollocks. Take her out every single other night of the year and shower her with love!

Angela-la-la said...

Bang on, anon. I know that a lot of women will think I'm lucky this year as my bf will do the big card and flowers thing but really I'd love something personal like, oooh... a full body massage then oral sex till I scream.

My gift to him will come from lovehoney...

Canuckian's Evil Twin said...

peach has it spot on - over-the-top gestures on one night of the year just because the market economy dictates it means far less than showing you care all the other days of the year.

Mutt said...

Well.. since through the year most men don't make any efforts to show their feelings then it's quite nice to have that one day in a year where they actually are reminded (and kind of obligated) to do so. Not that it really counts when a guy brings flowers only on V'day but still... flowers.

But other than that - personal and intimate approach is the best. Not box of chocolate and teddy bear but maybe a small massage, nice home-made dinner, theatre tickets... Restaurants aren't usually romantic nor intimate. They're crowded and very impersonal.
Of course, some women really do want to be taken out to a nice restaurant with chocolate and teddy bear. There are no rules. You have to know your girl and what she likes. Anyway - good luck guys :P For some reason girls know better what to get for their guys, choosing a gift is usually quite easy :)

butterflywings said...

Agree with everyone else here, but especially annonymous.
I can't stand all that commercial, sentimental rubbish.
Flowers and chocolates?! Eeeuuwww. Women do not all like that. It's about as personal as...well...it isn't. Women are people with interests, you know.
Entirely agree that the 364 other days of the year are more important.
If you want to do something, make it *personal*. Like anonymous said...a book or CD or DVD I wanted, going to see a show, a museum, an exhibition...*not* a restaurant...get a takeaway and stay in, leading to what peaches said! ;-)

Innocent Loverboy said...

I got Belgian chocolate swirl fudge once. Best gift ever.

Anonymous said...

I just wanna have sex with my boyfriend. Haha. :P

chi said...

Personally I would be over the moon if someone gave me chocolates or flowers, because it would be totally out of the ordinary, but I can understand that it doesn't seem awfully thoughtful and can be a bit expensive.

Restaurants, though, I agree with the other commenters, are terrible on Valentines day and for romantic meals a restaurant is best on every other day of the year.

I think the best win is to think of what your partner really enjoys (or things they might not realise they enjoy yet) and make it into a gift. So, for example, my boyfriend is an outdoors type so I'm praying for good weather and am planning to get lots of blankets, make up a picnic for two and take him out for an after-dark dinner under the stars. Not expensive, and if it pours with rain we can always turn out the lights in the living room and have it at home!

Lily Lane said...

The best Valentines Day I have ever had was with a boyfriend who didn't like or "believe in" Valentine's Day. We didn't necessarily do anything for Valentine's Day but we still went on a fantastic date.

He took me to the beach and tried to teach me how to paddle a surf ski (Valentine's Day is in summer Down Under) which was a heap of fun.
(How this applies to you: involve her in one of your interests in a fun way; it will bring you closer together.)

Then we went to a local Chinese restaurant late, after all the couples had probably been there.
(Go somewhere quiet and intimate with no pressure, just comfort and all your attention for each other. For us that was at a restaurant but maybe for you it's home, or if you can bear the expense, on a little boat? I would have suggested parks, beaches or mountain-tops but I'm guessing February weather doesn't allow for those locations for most of you northern hemisphere bloggers.)

Then we shagged each other's brains out in the back of a car (because we couldn't wait to get home) and cuddled and shagged again and cuddled some more.
(Be spontaneous. Put as much energy and fun into your relationship as it deserves.)

There were no presents or grand gestures but it was wonderful.

Otherwise I agree with the 'make it personal thing'. For example I love flowers... especially lilies, surprise, surprise... but most people find them an empty gesture. Teddies are the WORST. At least if you don't like flowers they die and you can throw them out. Teddies hang around taking up space and looking stupid.

Put your talents, if you have them, to use. One boy made me a gorgeous ornament of lily out of clay. He's long gone, but the lily still has a prime position in my bedroom. Otherwise, something I'm really hoping for one day is that someone will write me a song. Preferably not about how much he adores me; more about our story and our quirks.

You just have to know your girl.
If she's the kind that wouldn't like to be outdone by her friends (not that anyone ever states that, but hopefully you have picked up on it) then your Valentine's Day gift is not a success unless it is loud and obvious, and preferably given somewhere public like her work etc.

Otherwise, a lot of girls love getting dolled up, so maybe you could book a photo session for both of you that includes hair and make-up.

Other cool things to do, depending on whether your the right guy and/or she's the right girl, might be...
Take her up in a hot air balloon/boat ride/parasailing. Get your motorbike license and surprise her by hiring a Harley and taking her for a ride (yeah I know, way too much effort and expense and it's never going to happen but I can always dream).
Tell her to get prettied up then have a sexy vintage car pick her up and bring her to the location of your actual date, eg theatre, restaurant, etc. She will be excited by the mystery and special treatment.
If you're a decent artist you should draw her naked :-D
Maybe you could strip for her! I would love that. Probably not everyone's cup of tea though.

Okay, so for a very long comment (which no one probably made it to the end of) there really weren't that many good ideas in there. But everyone gets the picture; Valentine's day gestures/presents/dates have to be specific to your girl and your relationship. For god's sake, no teddy bears.

thene said...

Not in any position to advise here - I can't stand Valentines Day. The only good thing about it is cheap chocolate in Superdrug on the 15th. But yes, pay close attention to your target's tastes - especially on the subject of whether she loves or hates Valentines Day gifts. You could surprise her by turning up on the 13th with a special gift and telling her how much more taste you have than those sheep who do their thing on the 14th. Best of both worlds there.

Anonymous said...

Bloody hell, todgertalk. I'm disappointed that you even mentioned it. You've really gone down in my estimation now. Surely all free thinking people know that valentine's day is exclusively for morons?

Anna said...

I've never put any importance on V-day, but I've told my boy i would like something, just to celebrate not being alone this year. I asked for a "Happy v-day" text. or a picture I can proudly put on the fridge. And now it seems like he's buying me an actual proper present, which is sweet but unnecessary!

I gave him a "just because I love you-day" present last week. I won that one.

peculiar said...

ham it up. do all the things you "ought" to do and grin and giggle throughout the thing and enjoy it and appreciate each other's company to the fullest all the same. sense of humour is key, and Valentine's Day will be made all the more fun and special to both. it'll be sort of like your little secret.

it's something like sophisticated cynicism that gently pokes fun at the commercialized. or something like that. hur hur. better than the overdone "eww. highly commercialized" blah at any rate.

well, that's at least what i think it would be fun. heh.

Anonymous said...

I'll be honest here - the only time of the year I won't bring flowers home to my lady is the timespan between the end of January and mid-February. And she agrees that it's more fun to get them on a random day when she's not expecting them anyway.

Anonymous said...

Champagne is always nice - served in bed with a kiss

Anonymous said...

Its always the little things that count, no need for huge expensive
showy theatrics but the thoughtful personal touches that mean the most.If you're together the tea/breakfast in bed with single rose, apart the early phone call/ text to let them know your thinking of them.Its not hard or expensive to let someone know that they are special to you just put youself out a little and show it wasn't a last minute effort but something you want to do!!

Sarah said...

Meh. Since we got married last year on 23 February we won't be arsed with Valentines Day any more... Not that we were ever that bothered anyway.

Best gift i got for Valentines Day though was a trip to Amsterdam. Awesome!!

I'd love to have flowers delivered to work because i have never had that, but then again i'd rather he spent the £50 on a Radley purse for me...

Radley bags - Best. Gift. Ever!!

Lisa said...

clean the house, make it sparkle-cost nothing and is the most effective present you'll ever give her. If youhave some extra money, put some fresh flowers on the table. O rif you want to go all out, cook her a healthy dinner as well, she'll be quilt free and able to relax.

Anonymous said...

So where can I get that case of Strongbow for £9.99 then? At least that will take my mind of the impending 14th

Katyola said...

I just want my guy to remember it. A card and flowers or chocolates (nice ones) would be nice.

Anonymous said...

As a lady reader of TT I have to say I loathe valentines day. Its a total load of commericial crap. All the restaurants are filled with tables of 2 who got out once a year (because they have to) and have nothing to say to each other.

If you don't want to waste your money, little things work, like make dinner, give us a back or foot rub, run us a bath, make us some heart shaped cookies, give us a big hollywood snog, and utter something small about how special we are and we'll be right as rain.

Anonymous said...

I'd like to add another voice to the anti-valentines day sentiment. I would hate it if my partner made a big fuss about that day. Partly because it will have been my birthday the day before (which is far more important an occasion to me) and also because I don't really like being made a fuss of on a certain day because that's what everyone else is doing.

Don't get me wrong, I like going out for romantic meals, and little presents that come as a complete surprise (but no flowers or teddy bears please), but having one day a year where we are supposed to put as much effort as possible into being all romantic (by spending money) just leaves a sour taste.

sjyli said...

Valentine's Day is bull****.

Ze Frank says it quite well, and funny too:
http://www.zefrank.com/valentine/

Dutch bird said...

The only thing that matters (even though Valentines Day is a commercial crapfest and I will never publicly endorse it - but I'm a girl and I do like attention) is that you can tell that he's really thought about it. I once got a Vday email, which totally made my day, since I was bored out of my mind at work and I knew the guy wasn't very big on putting stuff (true feelings mixed with a healthy dash of crude jokes) into words.

Anonymous said...

Well I have never been in a relationship during Valentines day (or Xmas, Or New Ears Eve or My Birthday) so it hold no appeal to me at all, i once bought this girl i had this massive crush on a necklace with a letter inside telling her how i felt, i ended up being the butt of everyones joke when it ended up being picked up by some dick and read to everyone

Suffice to say that put me right off ever being open and honest with my feelings to any woman (probably why i am still single)

vicky said...

I'd like a valentines day card. I've never received one. Sob!

Rosie said...

A number of good ideas here. All we females really want is some attention and the acknowledgement that you care a bit for us.

Aletheia said...

Chocolates? Every woman I know, myself included, is self-conscious about her weight or on a health kick, and doesn't want a gigantic box-o-chox. If you must, get her a single bar of something nifty, like organic chocolate with orange zest. Flowers? They'll wither within a few weeks and look monumentally unattractive.

I'm a fan of consumables, because they don't require space on a shelf two years down the road. Have a bottle of her favorite wine delivered to her workplace (by the way, having anything delivered to her work will earn kudos, as she'll enjoy the added attention from her coworkers, whether she admits it or not) and offer to drink it with her.

Last year for Valentine's, I received a package from a wildlife rescue organization, congratulating me on "adopting" an otter and helping conservation efforts. I got a photo of my favorite animal to hang on the fridge, a quarterly newsletter, and a little stuffed otter. Water weasels may not be everyone's cup of tea, but Valentine's is as good a day as any to show you care about your significant other's values/beliefs/likes.

And, if all else fails, exchange neck rubs.

Ms. Mary Mack said...

I love V-day, the one day your guy will try to be romantic!

My favorite V-day:
came home and my guy had a path of petal leading to my bedroom, and had like 20 daisys around the edge of the bed (not in vases of bunches). We had sex, then he took me in the kitchen and made me a romantic dinner and we danced in the kitchen to some music. It was sweet because he never cooks or dances, and I love dancing.

My advice for broke guys: treat her like a princess for the day. massage, take that walk in the park, watch the sunset with some wine, shag all night long.

Lilith said...

Or take the cynic approach and celebrate it separately by both attending a different anti-Valentine's party...
If nothing came out of it, get together at the end of the night for the shag part.
How does that sound? ^^

Anonymous said...

Remeber that Valentines is just for girls to show of to other girls about how perfect and happy their relationship/ boyfriend is and all will be fine.

Im spending a day in the capital with two great friends, most likely dodging the zombie-like hoardes queing for the "Valentines Flight" on the Eye and trying to find somewhere where the three of us can eat without looking like a strange threesome.

Angela-la-la said...

Crikey, reading these comments is making me rethink my career in floristry!

blueskies said...

Our first Valentine's Day: we were only dating and it wasn't serious. We didn't see each other all day. He went to a party with his flat mates and I went to the cinema with a guy friend and accidentally found ourselves watching Brokeback Mountain.

Our second Valentine's Day: we watched a Top Gear re-run for the second time that week (it was a good one - the one where they drive through America).

This year: I expect, once again, we will ignore the fact that is is Feb 14th.

My point is - you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. My boyfriend certainly doesn't!

I would like it if we did do something, but if we don't, it's OK, because the most meaningful and 'romantic' things happen when you're not expecting them. And that's definitely not going to be Feb 14th.

I feel sorry for men on Valentine's Day. It's not "Girlfriend's Day" and it's not Christmas - you shouldn't need to spend a week's wages just to stay in someone's god books.

But everyone lives their lives differently and there's no right or wrong way of doing something, so if a guy wants to take a girl out to dinner, buy flowers and chocolates, then that's OK. But if he doesn't - he's not a bad person or a bad lover.

Anonymous said...

My ideal valentine, spending time with my new partner... we only just got together so it is still new and full of finding out about what makes each other tick. I have got him something that should make him laugh, it isn't about spending lots of money it's more about the fun part of the relationship.

We aren't going out for a meal, we will prepare something together and enjoy doing it... simple food, simple tastes