Monday, 14 January 2008

'Sam': A Modern Man Plague

There is a silent plague affecting modern man - frienditis, or put another way, a lack of masculinity. Did you know that if you are under 30 you are four times more likely to be 'just friends' with a woman than men of the past?

One of my past clients is a typical sufferer. He is attractive, he is successful, he has loads of friends, particularly loads of female friends. And get this, there was one of his friends that had the hots for. She even slept in the same bed with him. For over and year. And nothing happened. Here is a great bloke, on the surface he has everything a woman could want, but just couldn't get the women he wanted.

This is incredibly common. I find that men are afraid of making the first move with women, they are scared of even thinking about having sex with the women they fancy - because they are worried about coming across as a sleazy bastard.

He, and many many other men, are a casualty of the war that Feminism quite rightly waged against male chauvinist pigs and for equality. Women are quite right to demand equal pay, equal rights, equal opportunities, and they still don't get it - 96% of company directors are still men, and women still on average get paid less than man. Often a lot less.

The problem is that the baby got thrown out with the bathwater. The reason - in most people's minds masculine man = male chauvinist pig.

These are two completely different things, you can be a masculine man and still respect women. You can still take the lead, love sex and be able to kick the shit out of a mugger and treat your woman as an equal. In fact, you might find women love you for it.

So what is a masculine man? In my books:
  • He is able to physically handle himself
  • He is willing to take the lead and make strong decisions
  • And most of all he is comfortable with sex and being sexual

As opposed to the Male Chauvinist Pig who:
  • thinks women should stick to their traditional roles
  • treats women as sex objects to be used and thrown away
  • is just one of the old-fashioned bastards who treats women badly

Now they key issue here is that women love masculine men. They love having a man who can make decisions, who can make the first move, and who as well as making love, can give them a good hard shagging!

And why is it that the bad boys continue to get the girls? That's because pretty much all male chauvinist pigs are masculine. But unfortunately too many modern men have chucked their masculinity out the door.

Quick guide to becoming more masculine:

  • Take up Krav Maga - in one afternoon you'll learn how to take out a mugger in seconds flat

  • Realise it's OK to take the lead and be the hunter

  • When you are with a woman you fancy think sex. Think what you want to do with her. Imagine it in detail. Enjoy yourself.

  • And most importantly, realise that you can be masculine without being a male chauvinist pig
Phew, that was all a bit serious. If you fancy a fun take on this topic, check out this video on frienditis. What do you think? Are you a sufferer? Do you have any funny stories? Do you have mates who suffer frienditis?


thegirl said...

Sam, I'm not quite sure I agree that your suggestion to 'get her drunk before you tell her you fancy her: that way you won't lose face' is very good advice to give men. Having to use alcohol to win a woman over doesn't really equate to a man being "masculine" does it? Surely there are more progressive ways for men to behave with women, like, say, ooh, having the balls to actually *talk* to them - and dealing with any rejection if it happens - like a man? Men are grown-up adults, not children, perhaps it is time to treat them as such, and maybe that way the effectiveness of their communication with women could be improved.

Sorry for the rant Sam, the video struck me as being a little condescending and I get annoyed by men -and women- being patronised like that. Although I do support your aims: I know from the feedback I get from male readers that they frequently struggle to know how to behave with women, so if you can help a few guys feel more confident about themselves, that is no bad thing, in my opinion.

Canuckian's Evil Twin said...

wow. although i am a female reader i feel like that post was written for me! i've been trying to sort out this whole masculine/male chauvinist pig debate for a while now, as from my experiences the men that i've dated generally fall into two categories - nice and sweet but spineless, or the opposite - arrogant, chauvinistic baddie. where's the happy medium that you so described? women want the happy medium! thanks for (hopefully) enlightening some men along the way. keep up the good work todger talk!

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

I reckon what Sam means here is that people are so uptight these days that the only acceptable way for people - even friends - to be honest with each other is when they've had a few. And that applies to work situations, hassles with your flatmate, and niggles between friends of both sexes as well as relationship issues. Not the best way to go about things, admittedly, but it's practically embedded in our society that drink = truth.

Will comment more about this later.

Hugh "Nomad" Hancock said...

Great post.

In general, I've found studying martial arts to be very good for me, as someone who has definitely had "nice but spineless" tendencies in the past. Krav Magna's great, as is Muay Thai, jujitsu, and quite a few others.

Oddly, that most PC, new man thing of getting some therapy also helped, if only beceause it helped me think about exactly why I was being so retiring, what responses I was expecting, and how reasonable I was to expect those.

Anonymous said...

Great topic and tis true that we (or I anyway) get confused as to who to be... good guy/bad guy, lover/fighter, caring & thoughtful, assertive & direct - truth is it's all of these isn't it.. it's balancing it all and still being the real me that feels tricky sometimes... followed your link to the self defence site, there's a class just a cpl of miles away - I think i'll give it a go... being a good runner is only half the answer!
enjoying the site - thanks. Phil.

BenefitScroungingScum said...

You are so right,great blog btw! Booze aside, as an unusually petite woman who obviously needs physical assistance, something I hear frequently from men (in general rather than just those I date) is that my size makes them feel masculine and protective in a way they aren't usually able to feel. It seems to me that many men would like to feel that way with women but aren't really sure how to go about it without causing offence.
Bendy Girl

Rosie said...

Yes to this, please, please -- Women " having a man who can make decisions, who can make the first move, and who as well as making love, can give them a good hard shagging!" BUT let's have some conversation could we, on a number of topics including sex. But when we get to the sex conversation show that you are a man and have the talking include feelings, and safe sex.

Lily Lane said...

I agree with many above who love the kind of man you describe.

It is so appealing when a man has the confidence and ability to step up to the plate in any situation, but it practically seals the deal if he has the confidence to let the woman in his life take the lead at times too.

buy generic viagra said...

You are so idealist, that kind of guy doesn't exist. at all is just an illusion. A mere myth.