Friday, 11 January 2008

'Mr Sex': Our first gratuitous tit shot

Soz, but seeing as my tea was ruined last night by this story on my local news channel (video clip here, athough I'm not sure anyone outside the UK can see it), it's only fair that I disrupt your lunch. Long and the short of it; that bloke up there with the massive jubblies has had a request for a breast reduction turned down, and he's not happy. To put it another way, like most people on a Friday afternoon, he's desperate to get off his tits.

Although he's a bit of a chubbo (and that Clockwork Orange-like pic is not the most flattering in the world - and if you stare at it long enough, you can actually see Freddo the Frog, so don't), I think it's fair to say that he is pretty well stacked, regardless of beer gut. If I were in the changing room at the swimming baths and he lobbed those out, for example, I know I would look upon my own perky little sausage-tits and feel a bit intimidated and underdeveloped.

(Then I'd start worrying that he'd come over, pick my flimsy training bra up with his thumb and forefinger and sneer; "What do you need this for? You've got nothing. You'll never get a boyfriend with fried eggs like that", and I'd start crying. But that's just me. Ignore it)

The NHS have knocked him back for a second time because they claim that the operation would be cosmetic surgery, and that he has to a 'social, psychological and physical benefit' to justify it. Dunno about you, but I say that there must be huge psychological benefit to being male and not having massive knockers if you don't particularly want them, and you have to wear five layers of clothing and have to wrap bandages round your tits like Judy Garland in the Wizard of Oz. There was one kid at school who had the same problem, and his life was a morbid carousel of sex-crazed piss-taking youths trying to cop a feel through his jumper, leering at him in the changing room, and asking him if he's given anyone a soapy tit-wank yet.

Come on, NHS - stop being such mingebags and get the tits off for the lad.


9 comments:

Innocent Loverboy said...

Amen. Get rid of them if they bother him. The NHS shouldn't have any grounds to refuse.

Anonymous said...

what about doing some exercise?

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Well, yeah, that too. But in the TV interview, he says he went up from 10 stone to 13 stone in an attempt to make the tits less prominent. I'm inclined to believe him. And when you already hate your body, reaching for another packet of crisps doesn't seem to make much difference.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, but I think you are being too generous with your sympathy. Are you fat? I am. If I get fatter, my man-boobs get bigger. It's a fact of nature I'm afraid. That's why I've been going to the gym for the last 4 months, to try and do something about it.

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Come on, now. Look at that pic. Yeah, he's fat, but his tits are [i]abnormally[/i] so. It seems to be a genuine hormonal condition, and, in a country that had a [i]proper[/i] NHS instead of one blighted by a postcode lottery, should have been treated as such a long time ago.

Another pic here;
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/nottinghamshire/7181389.stm

Tim Footman said...

That's probably a very interesting story, but I laughed so hard at the Freddo reference, I couldn't read any more.

Good blog. I shall return.

ernieweaselfat said...

I find the fact that he buys knock-off gich more distressing.

What is that, Calvin Claus?

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Don't you have Calvin Claus in your country, Ernie? He comes down your chimney, checks that you've left him out some cheap lighters, and then fills your stocking with Timmy Highflier and Georgey O'Marney pants.

LauraLee said...

Didn't realise the guy with the tits was from Mansfield, just read the article in the Chad, although I have to say your blog was much more amusing. Had to show it to my mum, we needed cheering up after feeling guilty for laughing at the 'cheesy birthday poems for dead people' section.

Anyway yes keep up the good work guys , it's all very amusing x