'Mr Sex': NO, Mate

The following e-mail, which is probably blazing through the Blogosphere like those reconstructions of what a nuclear attack would look like in the 1980s, is a - no, the - textbook example of what not to do when you've split up with your girlfriend. I post it without comment, but loads of censorship...

Subject:SOME BIG NEWS

Dear all,
Some of you may or may not know me. My name is [CENSORED] - I work for the Digital wing of [CENSORED].

What some of you may or may knot know is that since 17th October 2007, myself and [CENSORED] have been having a relationship. Although a fledgling but simultaneously serious relationship, we found out we were pregnant on the 28th December 2007. Unfortunately [CENSORED]'s initial reaction was to consider abortion. After deliberation and apparently telling her parents she told me she was 50/50 and began veering more to having the child - it was going to be a girl, [CENSORED].

Last Wednesday we went for our first scan - the baby was now 7weeks and 3 days. Following from that we went for counseling on the Friday at the well woman clinic in [CENSORED]. [CENSORED] seemed more in the persuasion of having the baby now claiming the wonderful life we would have etc. She assured me whatever happened she would tell me as we were going to "stick together" Ultimately I wanted the child as I know we could have provided for it.

It came as a real distress to me to find out that yesterday without my knowledge that [CENSORED] travelled to [CENSORED] and terminated my first child. I'm sorry for being so very public about such an issue, but I feel she has left me no choice. She duped me into believing her parents knew - when I asked her father last night he was completely unaware, as was her mother.

It is of enormous distress for me and incredible pain - even if she had not wanted the child she could have had it adopted, or my family would have raised it solely.

[CENSORED] for your action I hope you burn in hell. I'm sure after this e-mail I will be portrayed by certain quarters as a psycho boyfriend - she was right not to have my child, however I can assure you I have been a model boyfriend, so much so that even despite her horrible betrayal and action she STILL asked if we could be together - no chance. I'm sure [CENSORED] will use the line - that I was only a short term boyfriend
rebound after [CENSORED] (whom she cheated on by the way for a month with me - really nice girl.) Well if you check my desk after I'm gone (resigining as of immediate effect) you can see for yourself the love notes cards etc - professing her "undying love."

The truth is my friends that [CENSORED] is cold and ruthless - you may feel the same of me after this, but I can assure you this is the action of someone who has been broken because of all of this - I know I will be finished because of this - don't really care I have taken what I believe to be a fatal OD of pills at this stage so nothing else matters.

If you have any doubt as to [CENSORED] character then let me fill you in some other facts (can all be verified by her work e-mails she sent to me....) Silly girl!!!

1.)[CENSORED] - she calims you're a sh*t MD and because of you the agency is going down the tubes. She moans about the fact that you do no work in terms of new business rather you sit all day reading the paper. She moans about her salary claiming you don't have a clue about advertising and therefore pay [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] more than her.

She has been "hiding" stuff on her accounts from you for quite some time claiming that you will never notice as you don't pay her enough attention. She feels you're niaive and has of late began "to play you" e.g. the incident with [CENSORED] was greatly exagerated by her. Also FYI [CENSORED] was the only person who really could have admitted what happened at [CENSORED] but refused to do so - my Ex girlfriend
ladies and gentlemen - a very special girl.

This is almost as sickening as the abortion: the day [CENSORED] sent you an e-mail saying her aunt had died (29th Nov) - complete fabrication, [CENSORED] wanted to go to my father's surprise 60th (in case I looked at another woman or God forbid... took another date.) My mother recently had a turn (as you may or may not know.) This was an incredibly stressful time for me and to make things worse [CENSORED] was not being very understanding. She then claimed to have fainted to get some attention - later to admit this was completely untrue - remember the day she took of work - everyone was so worried.

2.) Creative:
[CENSORED] - she makes a big deal about the texts you send her claiming they are inappropriate and make her feel uncomfortable especially as you married with kids. (msgs include the one with all the kisses and the day you said you were in the pub and missed her 'wit.')

[CENSORED] - before I came on the scene she fancied you and even admitted to flirting with you, just to keep things 'interesting at work' still must carry a torch for you as she had some horrible things to say about your wife at the ICADS

[CENSORED] - she says some really personal things about you which I am not going to go into - there should be some e-mails on it though if you want to know (under the data protection act you are entitled to see these.) [CENSORED] Seems to know a lot about you e.g. how you didn't receive 2006 Xmas bonus because of ur 'incompetence' and 'attitude towards suits'

[CENSORED] and [CENSORED] - doesn't rate you, claims you are "sh*t", "lazy", "not hungry any more" [CENSORED] slagged of your attempt at the Sony Xmas press ad so much that she got me to do the eventual one that went to print. (In fact [CENSORED] has been getting me to do a lot of her creative work - again check the e-mails, the Sony Radio ad debacle arose because the client loved my ads that [CENSORED] briefed me on!.) Also - she claims that you only hire sh*t creatives in order to not undermine your own creative work and threatened to go to [CENSORED] because you put the radio ads for the F**kin' books on her jobs

[CENSORED] - really thinks you're sh*t, so much so that she briefs me on all of your work claiming I'm a better copywriter than you. She always says "God love her she doesn't have it" - Again, ask to see e-mails for verification.

3.) Client Service.

[CENSORED] - thinks ur a complete 2 faced snake, says you're so repressed that you will have a mental breakdown at some stage. Claims you add no value to the agency, have no interest in any of your accounts and that she is much better at her job than you. (Hates it when you talk down to her like a teacher, because she ultimately knows more about advertising than you.)

[CENSORED] - claims to "play you", telling you things only when she wants [CENSORED] to know them e.g. her salary problems etc. Claims ur incredibly lazy and could be an asset to the agency if you do some work.

[CENSORED] -[CENSORED] I'm so sorry for you, she really hates you despite you thinking otherways. There are some incredibly horrible e-mails about you in terms of how you look, your medical problem how you're sh*t at your job (that you only were hired because you're blonde and well endowed), she tells everyone about the fact that you don't know how huge [CENSORED] are as an agency. Constantly complains about how loud you are, the fact you undress in front of people in the office, what you were wearing at the Xmas party etc. I know we haven't always seen eye to eye but seriously the girl hates you with a passion. She can't reconcile it in her head how you are on a larger salary than her (and yes, she told me what you're on.) She also hates being patronised when you say in her review she should ask for "Senior Account Executive" - says she'll be an Account Director before either you or [CENSORED].

[CENSORED] - Probably hates you as much as Rachel. She tried to sabotage you over the NCA receipt holders, making small problems seem much larger than they actually were. Her hope is for us to lose the NCA so that you lose your job - her words. [CENSORED] is very disrespectful of the fact that you're a single mother claiming you "play that card to get more money" Again claims you know nothing about advertising and the only reason you were hired was because you are easily manipulated by superiors.

[CENSORED] - Really doesn't like you, claims you know nothing about planning and merely use the same strategy repeatedly. Calls you "The Pig" because of your skin pigment etc. Her ambition is to get you out of the agency, hence she has been f**king you over to [CENSORED] behind your back on everything. The discussion urself [CENSORED] and I had yesterday, that was all a result of her, I covered for her as she told me she was off thinking hard about wether she was going tohave my baby or not - apparently not as she was off having an abortion.

4.) Media

[CENSORED] - Said some pretty awful things about your relationship with [CENSORED] - I won't repeat as they go into very personal matters that frankly I'm not sure how she knows.

[CENSORED] - Again personal stuff that I'm not going to divulge - too hurtful. (There are e-mails.)

[CENSORED] - Called you a freak (dunno why as she doesn't even know you.)

[CENSORED] -Claims you're the Media her in that you get walked over and aren't paid enough.

[CENSORED] - again bitchy comments.

[CENSORED] - Began liking you recently when she found out you didn't like [CENSORED] - prior to that she had a very nasty nickname for you.

I'm really sorry to go into all of this so publicly however I feel she has left me no choice in terms of highlighting the nature of this girl. There's a line in American Psycho where the Protagonist claims he is "simply not there "- this is the same with [CENSORED] she's cold, manipulative and evil. For all the relevant people. Please investigate my e-mails when gone just to see how deep the shirade goes.

[CENSORED] - Everytime you look in the mirror I want to think of the lives you have destroyed. Remember what you named our unborn child - [CENSORED]. I want that name to stay with you for the rest of your un-natural life, as it will with me. I despise you for what you have done and I really hope this haunts you for the rest of your life. You make me sick.

For anyone who thinks I'm lying about any of this - speak to [CENSORED] - he knows the majority of it, combined with the fact that there are many e-mails relating to this that the silly girl sent to me.

FYI - I'm apparently the only one that knows this, however [CENSORED] has already booked her flghts to go travelling next year - well Bon Voyage [CENSORED] - hope the time away gives you a lot of time to reflect what you've done.

Adieu

P.S. For all my friends and family, I love you very much and I am deeply sorry for all of this

P.P.S For verification of all my refutable points please go to my e-mail (password is [CENSORED])

I've highlighted said e-mails in RED under folder [CENSORED] and just in the mail box.

Oof.

'We were pregnant'?