The other day I was out jogging with one my mates. We were chatting about the usual stuff when the conversation took an interesting turn.
‘It must be rubbish being a love doctor and getting people asking you for advice all the time’
‘Nah, it’s not too bad, it’s always pretty interesting. So how are things with the missus’
‘Well I was thinking of asking you about that. It’s all a bit funny at the moment. You know we’ve been going out for five years now. She’s suddenly starting thinking about committment and kids. I don’t really know quite what to do. Your damned if you do and damned if you don’t’
‘Oh so she brought it up first, but wanted you to bring it up first?’
‘Yeah, now she’s brought it up, I feel like I can’t do anything about it without looking like it was her idea in the first place’
‘What did your mates say?’
‘They are all rubbish, can’t even bring it up without them taking the piss. The weird thing is that I was just enjoying myself, thought it was all going well and now suddenly she’s all upset that I haven’t proposed.’
‘Same for me, I’d prefer just to keep just enjoying how well it’s going, why suddenly get all serious and put the pressure on?’
Anyway the conversation continued as we ran. What really struck me again about this conversation is how few men can actually have a decent conversation about relationships with other men.
Here we were, both pretty much having experienced the same thing, something that probably all men do – that point in a relationship were you are happy how things are going and your partners wants some serious visible signs of committment - yet I was the only one of his many mates that he could talk to it about. It’s a pretty rubbish state of affairs when the only bloke you can talk to about relationship stuff is one who talks about relationship stuff for a living.
It was this conversation that made me realise the importance of manbits. That on Todger Talk we really needed a place where men could ask questions, and then talk abou this sort of stuff and anything else that’s on their mind.
So blokes of Todger Talk, take the leap and send your thoughts and questions to todger dot talk at googlemail dot com. Let’s get talking about our manbits.
‘It must be rubbish being a love doctor and getting people asking you for advice all the time’
‘Nah, it’s not too bad, it’s always pretty interesting. So how are things with the missus’
‘Well I was thinking of asking you about that. It’s all a bit funny at the moment. You know we’ve been going out for five years now. She’s suddenly starting thinking about committment and kids. I don’t really know quite what to do. Your damned if you do and damned if you don’t’
‘Oh so she brought it up first, but wanted you to bring it up first?’
‘Yeah, now she’s brought it up, I feel like I can’t do anything about it without looking like it was her idea in the first place’
‘What did your mates say?’
‘They are all rubbish, can’t even bring it up without them taking the piss. The weird thing is that I was just enjoying myself, thought it was all going well and now suddenly she’s all upset that I haven’t proposed.’
‘Same for me, I’d prefer just to keep just enjoying how well it’s going, why suddenly get all serious and put the pressure on?’
Anyway the conversation continued as we ran. What really struck me again about this conversation is how few men can actually have a decent conversation about relationships with other men.
Here we were, both pretty much having experienced the same thing, something that probably all men do – that point in a relationship were you are happy how things are going and your partners wants some serious visible signs of committment - yet I was the only one of his many mates that he could talk to it about. It’s a pretty rubbish state of affairs when the only bloke you can talk to about relationship stuff is one who talks about relationship stuff for a living.
It was this conversation that made me realise the importance of manbits. That on Todger Talk we really needed a place where men could ask questions, and then talk abou this sort of stuff and anything else that’s on their mind.
So blokes of Todger Talk, take the leap and send your thoughts and questions to todger dot talk at googlemail dot com. Let’s get talking about our manbits.
10 comments:
Ahh this is so true. I have a couple of good mates that I often share "serious" talks with. But so many more that just can't seem to take anything seriously.
It's a shame, some shocking stuff has been revealed, and people have gotten themselves into problems just because they couldn't talk to anyone about their problems.
I know it sounds sexist (and I don't mean to be), but there is so much more of this sort of thing for girls. Men are supposed to be "real men" and sort things themselves. Truth is though, not all men can!
Great idea guys, I'm rooting that this idea pulls through for you, and any lads reading :) I'll see if I can come up with a topic for discussion :)
Here here! I was looking forward to you guys making a male equivalent to the Friday section. I just need to remember all the questions I had now!
I'm quite alright with talking to my friends about stuff, but still, there's some stuff that your friends don't have a clue about!
It isn't always easy for women to talk about this stuff either, but I'm very glad you're giving the guys somewhere to talk about it - that's why this blog is so great.
Hopefully we can all be encouraged to talk to our friends about it... when I'm feeling a bit braver!
can you not say manbits? cos once you say that I start thinking penis and testicles. Dunno, 'male issues' sounds pretentious though...
you could start by talking about why men don't talk more to their mates. Is it as simple as not wanting to look vulnerable in front of other men? how could we stop the automatic male response to any signs of vulnerability by resorting to comedy?
It often strikes me that men don't talk. Sometimes they talk to me and I say "have you talked to any of your mates" and they invariably say no. One guy I know vaguely had gone through about 2 years of torture with his wife having an affair and all the stuff associated with that - and he had not talked to a soul about it (other than arguments with his wife of course). Staggering.
Sounds like a good idea to me - get those men talking.
Anon: that's the point, I think
RB: that's astonishing! In which case I *even more* support the concept behind this blog. Poor lads.
"What really struck me again about this conversation is how few men can actually have a decent conversation about relationships with other men."
Oh, the ambiguity of English syntax.
Why do men react so oddly when the C-word is mentioned? Perhaps if you were able to discuss the issue with your mates without getting the piss ripped out of you it may make you better equipped to talk about it with your girlfriend!
Five years, and the commitment conversation comes as a shock? Oh, dear. Perhaps it's time to have a good conversation with oneself.
I have been impressed after read this because of some quality work and informative thoughts. I just want to say thanks for the writer and wish you all the best for coming! Your exuberance is refreshing.
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