Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Sex Toy Review: The Rude Boy

So what is it about blokes and their arseholes? Yes, so a lot of us may be more open to anal play these days, as long as it belongs to someone female. When it comes to our own ringpieces, we’re not so keen. Sadly, some of us still automatically assume that Bumhole Love = Gayness, while others muse over the possibilities, take into account the masses of nerve endings packed around the jacksie, but then consider the fact that, well, that’s where bobby comes out. Ugh.

Speaking as someone who has been starfish intacta since a doctor at the City Hospital put a gloved finger up there on the day of the 1975 Grand National (I was only in for a stomach ache which went away that day, but I faked it so I could stop overnight, because I fancied one of the nurses), I fell firmly in the latter category. But then I thought, hang on; I’m in possession of something – a prostate – that has a 10% chance of killing me at some point; maybe I should get as much fun out of the bastard while I can. So when the Rude Boy prostate vibrator dropped through the letterbox, I prepared myself to cast my arse-virginity to the wind. After I’d chain-smoked five fags, covered the bed and surrounding floor with towels, blocked out every bit of natural daylight and dragged the wardrobe against the door, obviously.

Like its rivals - the Nexus Vibro and the Aneros – the Rude Boy is designed to get at the prostate gland (otherwise known as the Male G-Spot or Love Walnut) and give it a proper milking. Not only does that help deliver fresh oxygen and nutrients to the prostate, it also – according to mates who have dabbled - has the potential to provide the kind of orgasms that produce home-made instant Artex ceilings, as it also stimulates the perineum (otherwise known as the Barse, the ‘Taint, the Smelly Bridge, etc). And, as it says on the packaging, it vibrates as well. Crikey.
Looks like: Nothing like a cock. If your mate came across it, and he didn’t know any better, there’s a very decent chance that you’d be able to pass it off as some kind of towing hook you bought from Halfords. It’s made of strong yet pliable silicone, with an alarmingly thick girth, if you ask a novice like me. Not too keen on the blueness of the one I got – shame they didn’t keep the 2-Tone theme going and make it chequered.

Instruction sample: “Note: the anal canal is usually very clean as faeces is not stored in this area, but up further in the rectum or bowel. It would help for comfort if your bowels are empty, and this should be done at least half an hour before using your prostate massager”

You will also need: lube (lots of it), a towel (unless you actually want your bedsheets to look as if Eazy-E has dried his hair on them), tissues, and – if it’s your first go – a considerable chunk of spare time and maybe even a book. It takes a lot of getting used to.

Feels like: Well. Getting it in first time takes ages – every millimetre feels like an inch, and for the first few minutes, you can’t do anything but fight to relax yourself – which isn’t too easy when, every time it slips out even slightly, you feel like you’re about to shit the bed. Then, as soon as you do relax, you instinctively clench your cheeks and Ooer – the nubby bits at the base push into your perineum and you finally realise there’s a lot more to your sexual organs than the gristly bits that hang out the front.

When you finally summon up the courage to press the button at the end, the vibrations are surprisingly relaxing and non-filling-loosening. From there, you’re free to do whatever you need to do to de-spunk yourself; some men can achieve orgasm by merely leaving it in and clenching, while others go about their business in the time-honoured manner. It may not work for you first time, but when it does, you probably won’t have had an orgasm that intense since you were 14 and you thought your genitals were going to explode.

Partner Compatibility: Surprisingly high, as long as your missus doesn’t launch herself onto you. Getting a blow job while it’s in would be pretty decent. I just wanted someone there to hold my hand and mop my brow, though.

Clean-up: Naturally, it’s not the kind of thing you want to leave under your pillow at night and forget about. Slipping a condom over it takes care of a lot of faff, but apart from the odd spot, cleaning it up is not as rank as you’d think. You always could chuck it in the dishwasher, but that’s pretty minging, isn’t it?

Pros: It’s a genuinely new experience for a lot of men, focusing attention on parts of your body you’d forgotten you had…

Cons: …as long as you can overcome a lifetime of ringpiece-phobia.

Rude Boy Double P Spot Stimulator, £39.95, kindly provided by sextoys.co.uk

34 comments:

rob said...

Oh how I laughed reading this! Brilliantly written! The "holding hand and mopping brow" bit got me!

Thank you for sharing your experience, although I still think I have a VERY long way to go before I could ever think of attempting something like this!

Excellent review!

Katie said...

Great writing, this had me in stitches. About time the male species had more toys to play with.

Let us know how it goes the second, third, fourth time........

Angela-la-la said...

Best sex-toy review ever!

As for the rude boy I think every man should try it, preferably before they shake anyone else's booty.

Homer said...

Thanks very much - it was't until I got to the end of this article that every muscle in my body was taut with horror. My shoulders were level with my ears and I've got raging toe-cramp.

I would totally not be cool with this, but then I'm squeamish.

Anonymous said...

I must be doing something wrong. I got one of these on the reccomendation of a friend and, despite taking it nice and slow, didn't get anywhere near the orgasm I'd been promised. If truth be told it actually interfered with my hard on. However, the promise of spraying the ceiling will get me back there for another shot, so to speak. Not least because it cost me £45 and I'll be buggered if I'm wasting that. Or not, as the case may be.

Jake (of Facts and Friction) said...

Thanks for this review, you've got a great humorous writing style!

I'm looking for a prostate toy at the moment, the more reviews the better!

I think prostate stimulation is something guys should try, there's nothing gay at all about it, it just means you're missing out on a whole lot of fun...

Anonymous said...

I bought one because Sue Johanson (Tslk sex with...) recommended it on the advice of her staff. It did nothing for me... not a pleasure, just uncomfortable. And it's not the kind of thing you can return for a refund!!

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA, wow, u sure know how to express yourself. i was just wondering, how THICK is it, in inches? when u said it was big it kinda go me a lil bit worried so i was wondering if you, or someone, would be kind enough to let me know.

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend suggested getting the rude boy to try something new and exciting in the bedroom. I thought I do all sorts of nasty stuff to her so why not let her have some fun. When it came in the mail I was a little intimidated by the size but after she lubed it up and with some relaxation it went it no problem! (You'll know it's hitting the right spot when this milky liquid comes out without her even touching your dick.) I was instantly hard, she started giving me a BJ and then turned on the vibrator and wow! When I came it was the most intense orgasm ive ever had! My fingers and toes went numb and I was shaking all over! My girl is a fan of anal and she said that she was dying to try the rude boy based on my reaction so I slide it in her ass and went down on her! She barely lasted three minutes cause the powerful vibrations were hitting her G-spot through her ass! Getting the deed done with it in you is no problem it hits just the right spots in many different positions! The rude boy made both of us cum multiple times all night! The feel of the rude boy is very smooth almost like velvet, it fills you up just the right amount, and it's just the right size for begginer's. We use it weekly, it gives us the same results every time, we love this product, and highly recommend it! The long part is 5.5 inches and about 1.5 finger wide. It hits the prostate and gives earthquake reactions!

Anonymous said...

I got a rude boy last week, i tried nearly 1 hour to play it this afternoon, but it really didn't work to me. all i feel is just so so, totally no high! something wrong with me ? or the method is wrong ? I'm so disappointed!

Jake (of Facts and Friction) said...

I've yet to fully enjoy more, it definitely takes time, patience and technique. Look around the internet for prostate play, rude boy and aneros information - it might help :)

Anonymous said...

"starfish intacta"

Brilliant. I'm stealing it :P

Rodney said...

I have one...it's like nothing else. I normally had to use a tissue to wipe my face without it...but with it I had to use a fricken towel to wipe my face LOL

Anonymous said...

Hi...I have a Rude Boy and am considering purchasing the Nexus Vibro. Has anyone tried both and if so, which do you like better.

Thx

Anonymous said...

I tried this and finally realised why so many men are gay - it's the secret of the prostate. I hate that we were not taught about this source of pleasure when learning about testes and gametes. Frigging Biology GCSE.

Anonymous said...

My wife bought me one of these as a romantic gift a few months ago, I was a little bit WTF! at first but she pursuaded me to give it a go. The first time we used it she had me properly turned on so when she gently eased it up my back passage the feelings were of intense pleasure and any discomfort soon dissapeared. Like the article says it gives intense orgasms, and now I can even orgasm with no penis stimulation if I just get my wife to gently nudge it in and out for me!
It's good fun to use solo as well, but obviously naughty stuff like this is always much more fun with a loving partner, and the intimacy certainly brings us closer!

Anonymous said...

I recently purchased the Bad Boy. Essentially the Rude Boy on steroids. More girth with bulbs and bumps. If you are at all worried about whether the girth of the rude boy is enough... I am sure it is. The bad boy took me a good 30 minutes to get it in place. It did provide an incredible orgasm though. I thought I was cum before I even touched my cock.

I would stick with the rude boy unless you are used to putting some big toys back there.

I bought the Bad Boy as I had purchased the standard Aneros product a few years ago and was really disappointed with how small it was.

Sian @ Penis Pump said...

Fantastic review, had me in stitches. Would you be interested in doing something similar for all the products on our website?! THere is nowhere to put my email here, but a contact form is on the website if you wish to get in touch to discuss. All the best, Sian x

Anonymous said...

what can i say!!! the rude boy! am a gay male, not out long met a new mate of and he was telling me about this rude boy sex toy that he had and he said it was unreal so i said i must try it. i let him do it as i am new to this and he knew what he was doing so i figured he would know how to use it. am just after coming out of a long relastionship with a girl and i can tell u one thing it was my first time doing it and the best. ha way better than any girl. thats just my opinion girls. its the best orgasim u will ever have LADS even if u are straight its still ok to try it and trust me its fucking unreal the feeling u get. and heres me thinkin a wank was good or a bit of sex was good. try its out lads its well worth it..makes me shoot cum half way across the room ha..could even make u cum without wanking the feeking is that good haha...A MUST GET. think u het my gist by now

buy generic viagra said...

This apparatus is phenomenal, I mean, I had not idea how it worked, but now I know it could help men very much. I'll keep looking for more info about this artefact.

Vibrator said...

Thanks for the article. I belive taht prostate stimulation is something all guys should try at least once. It's an amazing experience and if you don't try, you won't know ;-)

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Anonymous said...

Well I'm just not getting it right. It keeps sliding out, which feels like I am pooping myself, which turns me right off. What do I do to keep the blessed thing in there?

Rude Boy Vibrator said...

Good job and I have a Rude Boy and am considering purchasing the Rude Boy Vibrator . Has anyone tried both and if so, which do you like better.
Thanks for post.

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