Friday, 18 April 2008

Manbits #1

Well, here we go; the first installment of Manbits, where we attempt to do for the chaps what we've been doing in our Something For The Ladies segment (which has now been moved to Saturdays). The only difference between this and that is that in this case, we're not preventing anyone from chipping in. If you're male, and you want a bit of advice on your sexy, sexy mither, drop us an e-mail at todger dot talk at googlemail dot com. And the first question pulled out of the Todger Talk lucky bag is...

C-Med writes: I wonder if you can help me; my partner and I have a very active sex life but occasionally mid-flow through the activities she has to stop in fear that she may wet herself. This results in us stopping while she nips to the loo and eventually returning to get back at it. There are times that she goes and nothing happens, but it’s the feeling which worries her and results in her stopping. Occasionally she has had to go two or three times which as you can imagine can affect the mood and sometime lose it altogether.

I’m in a bit of a corner now, I’m trying to reassure her but she does feel that it’s getting to me and feels guilty and that its resulting in our sessions coming to an abrupt end. Could you give any clue as to why this is or what is happening? I’m not sure if this important but it happens mostly when she is sitting on me - that’s our favourite position so we really don’t want to stop playing it that way if we can help it.

Sam says: OK, this is an interesting one.

First you need to check any medical issues. Dr Ayan would be better on this, but from my limited medical knowledge, if a woman needs to pee a lot she may have thrush or some sort of urinary tract infection. She should really book an appointment with her GP and get this checked out.

On the sex side, there are certain positions for certain people that put pressure on your bladder, and well, make you want to pee. There's a two-stage solution to this. Firstly, get her to go to the loo before you have sex. This way you know that her bladder is pretty much empty. That way if she does let go, you know there are only going to be a few squirts here and there rather than a full blown flood.

Secondly, you need to make it OK for her to let go. You can do some practical stuff like buy a waterproof cover for your bed – you can pick one up from Ikea for about £30. This provides the psychological re-assurance that if she does actually pee, then it doesn’t matter, it just goes on the cover, which you can chuck in the wash. You could even put a towel under your ass, so if there is any minor leakage it gets caught.

Finally, and most importantly, you need to make it clear that you frankly don’t care. If she’s been to the loo, you’ve got the cover on the bed, then really it doesn’t matter if she does pee herself, which let’s face it she probably won’t. It’s about her relaxing and letting go. (Actually, there are a bunch of people out there who get very highly turned on by ‘watersports’ or being peed on, but that’s a whole other post)

It’s about breaking the cycle that has been set up. The bottom line is that you both have to be relaxed enough to have sex and not worry about her peeing herself (which she probably won’t, and even if she does it doesn’t really matter). She needs to be comfortable enough to keep having sex even if she feels like she needs to pee and realize it’s ok, and probably nothing’s going to happen, and even if it does it doesn’t matter.

Mostly it’s about you making it clear to her that what really matters is that you both have great uninterrupted sex!

‘Mr Sex’ says: Sam’s absolutely nailed this, and I really don’t need to complicate things with more advice, but I’ll back it up with a brief comment; yes, his suggestions may sound like a lot of faffing around, but as couples get deeper and deeper into a relationship, the spontaneous element of sex goes right out the window – and it only takes a couple of bad or even mundane experiences for one partner to switch off and lose interest. You’ve actually won half the battle on this by not seeing it as her problem, but yours as a couple.`Stay patient and understanding with your girl, and you'll have it licked.

(UPDATE: we simply had to pull this anonymous comment out of the box and stick it up on the main site, as it covers another, equally important aspect. Well done, that masked man. Aren't our readers ace?)

Anonymous writes: On one hand, you guys might be right, but on the other hand this guy might just be hitting his girl's G-spot and instead of her actually having to pee, she might be about to "squirt". Basically, the "G-spot" (or the paraurethral gland) is the female version of a man's prostate, so stimulation in the G-spot area can result in a woman letting out a liquid pretty similar to male ejaculate (minus the sperm). Instead of it coming out of her vagina, it would come out of her urethra, as the paraurethral gland is a squishy tissue located between the vagina and the urethra.

A pretty easy way to tell whether it's a bladder problem or if she's about to squirt is by what happens inside her vagina right before she has to nip off to the loo. If everything is pretty much going as normal and her having to stop is very sudden, then it could be bladder issues. However, when you stimulate her G-spot to the point where she's about to ejaculate, while normally the muscles in the sides would contract with orgasm, when she's about to squirt you would feel tightening from the top. I would say the latter is probably more likely because the majority of times this happens with me and my girlfriend, it's while she's on top.

Next time she's on top of you while you're fucking, (and i know this next part is gonna be difficult), try to observe exactly what you feel happening inside her, and that'll give you a relatively good idea of whether it's bladder issues or G-spot. if it's bladder issues, by all means see a doctor. if it's G-spot, try and reassure her that it's nothing unusual and make her as comfortable as possible, because G-spot orgasms tend to be much stronger than clitoral orgasms.

People of Todger Talk: what advice would you give to this inquisitive chap?


RPG said...

I used to sleep occasionally with a girl who had surgery due to some kind of cancer.'Fraid I can't remember what kind,but it had left her with a weak bladder.her orgasm led to her pissing herself on top of me.She was embarrassed,but I immediately told her I wasn't bothered..that in fact it was a nice feeling.Don't get me wrong-I'm not into watersports per se,but its not unpleasant.Its warm.its just water.She was so relieved that I hadn't turfed her out of the house on the spot like a lot of other men had.
Shag on a couple of beach towels,tell her it doesn't matter.Because it really doesn't.
On a (tenuously) related note,another girl I dated used to flick the tip of my dick with her tongue in a way that would give me a feeling like I wanted to pee.She was a bit of a sadistic little swine,and got a kick out of me squirming & begging her to stop.I'd warn her about imminent leakage,which would only make her do it more..and eventually I would spout a small amount of liquid,but it didnt feel like either normal pissing or a normal orgasm.It would make me tremble and quiver much more.Any experts come across this?Am I just being forced to empty an already empty bladder or is it something else?Love this blog guys, thanks for caring.

Lily Lane said...

Thanks for putting up this question guys.

I have had the same problem as C-Med's girlfriend in the past, but had never even drawn the connection between the position and the sensation! I ran off to pee, just as she does.

All the advice sounds great, so all I can add for C-Med is you can let your girlfriend know there are others in the same boat!

TheRose said...

Something else that might be relevant - quite a lot of sources mention an imminent G-Spot orgasm can give a woman the feeling that they need to pee. You could just be hitting the spot!

dhg said...

Barring a medical condition, I think the anonymous comment you posted is onto something.

As a woman, it's definitely something I've experienced with pressure applied to my g-spot, and while it suggests things are being done well, it can be a very disconcerting feeling. I'd suggest pushing through to see what happens, it might work out really well for both of you.

Anonymous said...

I get that feeling a lot when having sex with my boyfriend, even though Ive been to the toilet before-hand. I was told it was him hitting my G-Spot too, and to keep at it 'til it feels good. The problem is, I cant overcome the uncomfortable feeling and relax til it feels good :(

shellyboo said...

Yup, this problem is most definitely not a problem at all - as least as far as my current bf is concerned!

I had the same issue with my ex... I often had to get up during sex. Now I'm with my new man, I had the same feelings, but luckily he knew exactly what was happening because he was doing it on purpose - trying to get me to squirt. And he achieved it, and believe me... it's worth the discomfort!

However, it did take time for me to relax and let go... the best advice I can give is get her to go to the loo before sex so that she's more confident that she's not going to pee on you.

And, er, the advice re: the towels and/or waterproof sheets still stands - she might not be going to pee on you, but if you persevere, things are going to be getting wet! Enjoy!

Anonymous said...

As a female, I second the anonymous writer. Squirting feels exactly like peeing, it's like consciously letting go before orgasm.

The one way to find out is to do it (perhaps in private, when masturbating? This is very embarrassing with a partner present) Its smell is different from piss. It's mostly just water and dries up quickly afterwards. I'm told it's even healthy - it washes down the area and so lessens risks of UTIs.

Brandy said...

YES! YES! YES! what she will be saying if she just goes with that feeling. Yes, it feels like you have to pee. If she just peed before hand and didn't drink a gallon of water before hand, than tell her by all means go with that feeling. But I must warn you my friend, it can get very wet and messy and she will become addicted to that feeling. It is like no other orgasm.

Anonymous said...

thanks all of you for answering my question and with my gf reading this she as started to feel better about it already.
it looks like ill be in for a wet couple nights this week and although in uk it wont be the weather.
thanks again guys and gals.

Anna said...

Always nice to have a happy ending... well done, Todger Talk!