What makes a good wife? Well according to a marital rating scale from the 1930’s keeping the fridge well stocked, keeping her chilly toes away from you in bed and having a pleasant disposition in the morning will win her points, while wearing red nail polish is a definate no no.Last Friday I did a piece on this very subject on Channel 5 news – which you can find here if you fancy a bit of a laugh.
Clearly things have changed massively since the 1930’s, but it does bring up an interesting question. What do modern men want in their women? What are the essential features that make a good long term partner?
Personally I think the tables have turned somewhat and women now have much more demanding marital scales – or certainly a long list of tick boxes that they want completed in their long term partners. Driven, sporty, successful, etc etc.
I find that when many of my clients come and see me they tend to have long lists, but they often seem to miss out the essentials. What about love? What about sexual chemistry? What about being able to talk? It often strikes me that the simple and most important things tend to get left behind.
So what are you guys looking for in a long term partner? And ladies what makes a good husband?
8 comments:
For me personally, I would have to say GSOH first. I act like a first class idiot and always have a stupid cheeky grin on my face, and its great if I have someone like that. You gotta be able to have REAL fun together. I had relationships where we laughed all the time, and others.. Not so much :\ I know who would pick again!
I think there definately needs to be sexual chemistry, the simple fact is, thats what we do. I try not to dress things up, just keep it simple. Couples have sex and should WANT to have sex with each other.
I tend to be a bit of an alpha, so can tend to "take charge" but I do like a women who can stand up for herself. Confident women definately do get plus points. However, I can be "old fashioned", I have no probs with working hard and making cash if she were to be looking after the house/kids. But I would never suggest she HAS to stay at home and be a housewife. I know how much I want to "be somebody" and if she tried to take that away from me, there would be "problems" :D I would expect no less treatment from her! Im a 50/50 guy!
There are some cosmetic issues too, I guess they really feed the "sexual chemistry" more though and definately not "requirements" as such.. Would just be extra bonus points :)
I think thats about it.. Must haves: Good sense of humour, confidence. Bonus: blonde hair, nice blue eyes, great smile and in good shape. This is what I would call the "jackpot" :D
Interesting topic! Its nice to see that the feminism movement has been very successful, yet its not gone too far "the other way".. (IMO)
Putting aside the whole good wife thing, I had to laugh out loud at the type in the first sentence - marital rating scale or martial?? Freudian slip??
Easy mistake to make, though. When I was 5, and my Grandpa used to take me out for the papers on a Sunday morning, I'd always ask him to take me into the sex shop on the way. When he finally asked why, I pointed at the sign that read 'MARITAL AIDS' and said "Look, Grandpa - 'MARTIAL ARTS'. Maybe Bruce Lee's working in there"
All I knew before I had a boyfriend was that he better pray and not smoke; apart from that, I didn't have high standards.
now that I'm actually IN a relationship, the ability to talk with him, play with him, tease him, learn from him, and share experiences with him is something better than I would have hoped for.
IDEAL MATE QUALITIES:
have compatible life goals
compatible sexual chemistry wants/needs
be attentive and supportive
should be aware of doing the little things
be openly loving and communicative
be ambitious/driven/passionate
share work loads 50/50 (including house hold chores)
support/be understanding of the womans career
have a good sense of humor
have similar interests
compatible political viewpoints!
should "keep himself fit"
Having previously discussed this with many of my girlfriends, I can empirically claim that although there are some universal "ideal" traits (e.g. reliable, good sense of humour etc), women can also differ quite substantially on what they want in a guy.
One girlfriend made it clear that her ideal man had to be her equal, if not superior, in intellect and earning power, among other things. Given that she is a fiercely independent, intellectually brilliant woman who earns shitloads as an investment banker, I've got all my fingers and toes crossed for her.
I second what Sam said about love, sexual chemistry and being able to talk. I couldn't be with someone with whom I felt no sexual chemistry.
And yes, sometimes love alone often isn't enough to make a relationship work.. but it is by far the most important thing.
My ideal guy does not whine. Not about me nor about himself.
Also, he is my equal, and/or, even more importantly, feels my equal - I hate being looked up or down to.
(He has to smell right, of course, otherwise we wouldn't end up in a relationship, long or short-term, would we?)
And I am living with a near ideal guy now - they do exist :)
Obviously, like anyone I have a collection of ideal traits etc, but for me at the moment (I say this because my opinions change all the time), respect is the most important thing. I need to have a lot of respect for my partner. This means I won't take him for granted, take advantage of him, and I would never manipulate him or be unreasonable. I think what is missing in a lot of relationships is mutual respect, for the self and the partner.
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