Friday, 30 May 2008

Something For The Ladies #14

Friday again, is it? Mint. Let's do our usual thing;

: If there's ever been anything about men you've wanted to know but were afraid to ask, or wanted a male viewpoint on a certain relationship niggle you're going through, drop an email to us at todger dot talk at googlemail dot com. Every week, we shall pick one out and answer it to the best of our capabilities.

Gentlemen: We would very much appreciate your input, so the comments section of each Something For The Ladies post will be yours and yours alone for 24 hours. In other words, all female comments will be deleted. Sorry ladies, but in this case we'd be very grateful if you'd hush those sweet keystrokes and let the chaps have their say. Just for today, though.

This week's question...

Janice Doe writes: I was watching Clerks with my boyfriend the other night when an interesting subject came up. Turns out, although he has received oral from numerous girls, he has only been on the giving side with two females - myself and his ex of 4 years. Apparently, he feels that cunnilingus is more intimate than fellatio and that while he loves performing the act on me he wouldn't perform it on just any hook-up. According to my sexist beloved, most guys feel this way and won't pleasure a girl orally unless he's very serious about her. I'm wondering if what he said is true across the board. How do blokes feel about cunnilingus, and how willing are they to give?

'Mr Sex' says: First off, Sam's away at the moment and I've been absolutely burned out from doing something else unrelated to sex (alas), so I'll handle this one myself. And a bastard of a question it is, too, because I think it's ace and I can't understand why any bloke wouldn't want want to give a lady a bit of a nosh. Think about it; tongues don't have erectile problems and they don't go off after 30 seconds. When your ex bitches about you to her mates, she doesn't use her thumb and index finger to sneeringly demonstrate the size of it. Furthermore - and this is the thing I really don't understand about men who don't get it - cunnilingus is the greatest sexual leveller ever. Face like a carrier bag full of slugs? Doesn't matter when you've got it between someone's legs. Hung like a button mushroom? Who gives a toss when you've got a mouth and you know what to do with it?

And therein lies the problem; a lot of men just don't, because from our point of view, it all looks remarkably complicated. Women have it comparatively easy when it comes to oral sex; I could get me nob out for Maria in the Sound Of Music, and she'd instantly have a rough idea of what to do. Lady-bits, on the other hand, look far more complex to the oral novice. Jesus, it took me ages to actually know what I was supposed to be doing, and it wasn't until I met my fourth sexual partner until I did - mainly because she was the first one to actually tell me what she liked. Maybe it was to do with the fact that she was bisexual and had actually done it herself.

But anyway, less about me and how ace I am, and let's talk about these other types who can't handle it. I have to laugh at the idea that cunnilingus is 'more' than fellatio (if I'd have been you when he said that, I would have told him to go and suck your Dad off next Christmas, if it were such a mere bagutelle to him), and the cynic inside me has a feeling that 'more intimate' means 'doing something without getting any attention on my genitals'. But - and I can't say this enough - every man has his own individual opinion on licking the tuppence, so let me shut up and let our male readership have their say.

Gentlemen of TT: Comment!


Jack said...

Ha! I very much agree with Mr Sex's last paragraph. Oral sex for either sex is a very intimate thing. Getting up close and personal with someone else's junk is not something you take lightly; cunnilingus is not more than fellatio.

Ripblade said...

To be fair, i think this sort of "one sided thing" is probably the case for most guys and not necessarily due to their views on the subject.

I have recieved oral far more than i have given it to girls, and this isn't because i don't want to. But generally the opinion of the girls themeselves.

In my experience, most girls are much more open to giving oral to a guy than they are to recieving, especially in the early stages of a relationship. As many girls do see it as far more intimate.

My last gf was different though, and loved recieving and treated it just the same as her giving a bj. But she told me that the majority of her friends thought this was odd, as they considered cunninglus much more intimate, and would rather have full sex with a guy before they let him go down on them.

I'm not saying thats right, as i personally think everything is equal, if a girl goes down on me i'd quite happily go down on them, or vice versa. But sometimes it can be very intimate, or girls may be slightly insecure to letting someone get that close to them, and therefore wait longer to recieve it themselves.

If this is the case, then it would make sense that guys would end up recieving on average more than giving for relationships that don't end up becoming serious.

There's also the issue of STD's to consider, as this could also make guys a little hesitant, again in the early stages of a relationship. As you obv have condoms for full sex protection, maybe the bj as well (depending), but there isn't really anything to provide the similar protection when licking a girl out. And lets be honest if you're doing it right, there's going to be a lot of fluids down there.

So if a relationship never gets serious, it makes sense that guys will generally recieve more oral than they have given.

Not surprisingly the girls i have gone down on, are the ones i have had the longest relationships with.

And talking with my mates, they seem to have similar experiences and opinions.

p.s. I'm not speaking for girls on a whole, just seems to be the general vibe i've got in my experiences.

TheRose said...

To answer this question fully and in depth:


What? No! Tosser. (Him, not you.)


There you go.

Tony Play said...

I think oral sex is intimate, but then I think kissing, having sex and any other physical sexual contact has intimacy. I dont understand the attitude that giving oral sex to a woman is a special thing and should be held back. I think if you are sleeping with someone, then you should want to give them as much pleasure as possible and be willing to do whatever this entails, especially giving oral sex. I understand some women are uncomfortable with recieving and that is fair enough but otherwise i love to give it, and not purely as a means to recive it back. I think the men (and women) who refuse to do it are either lazy or just plain selfish.

Lady_Lush said...

I know I'm breaking the rules by being a female leaving a comment on something for the ladies but there's just one little thing I felt the need to point out, there is protection available for use when giving cunnilingus, its called a dam. I just viewed that as a poor excuse.

Innocent Loverboy said...

I love cunnilingus. It's something I really like to do and I've never been told anything but, "you're really good at that," so I reckon I must be doing something right.

I've done it to every girl I've ever had sex with, and brought all of them to orgasm through the licks. I must say, however, the girl I'm with at the moment is the most satisfying to lick... I don't know why, but the feeling is fantastic.

...sorry, what was the question?!

Anonymous said...

i wonder out of all the men who say that it's because girls feel it's too intimate, how many of them asked to give the girl cunnilingus?

in the experience of my girlfriends, and others, it seems to be that a blowjob is expected, while cunnilingus is optional and a bonus reserved for special ladies.

i could be wrong though.

Anonymous said...

TOTALLY agree with "Anonymous" !!

Anonymous said...

Another anonymous agreeing with the first anonymous!

Personally, I think it's more intimate than sex. I don't know why, it just does. After my last (selfish) boyfriend refused to go down on me I've decided that from now on it's reciprocal or nothing. I'm still waiting for a new man to test this out, though.

tarainlondon said...

Alternative (mistaken?) viewpoint -

I've been pretty lucky in that the last 2 guys I've been with positively begged to go down on me.

Now I personally think oral sex is v intimate, and something I wouldn't do with a guy if I didn't know him that well and hence wasn't totally comfortable with him.

These 2 guys, however, insisted on going down on me. It didn't take me long to realise that they wanted to go down on me to
i) make me (I quote) "feel good", but more significantly,
ii) make themselves feel good about making me feel good.

In short, they got a massive ego boost from cunnilingus and going down on me.

For extended periods of time.

Without me so much as asking or even wanting it.

Without minding the absence of a reciprocal blow job.

Of course, I could be mistaken in this - maybe I've just experienced 2 complete anomalies in the male population. But one thing I do know - both of them did not view me as a "special" someone.

Guys, what do you make of this?

P.S. That's 3 ladies in a row who've chosen to remain anon - something not usually seen in the comments section of this site! I'm sure this is telling in one way or another...

Lady_Lush said...

I like this topic, I feel the need to make another comment.

This topic reminds me of one particular sexual experience, it was with someone I'd just met (really unlike me and to this day I still don't know why I agreed to go back to his), so I definitely wasn't someone special, just hot apparantly. During our sexual shananigans, he moved his face close to mine and whispered that he was gonna make me come, the thought of that still sends my stomach into a flutter, he then proceeded to go down on me. He wanted to, he wanted to give me pleasure.

So, from this experience and from reading all the above comments I am led to conclude that a mans choice to give ot not give oral is not based upon their views as to whether or not it is intimate, but more to do with whether or not they're dying to impress and be a satisfying lover. Admittedly it's not my favourite way to reach orgasm, but give me a man dying to impress me, making an effort automatically gets you a higher rating.

fin x

Anonymous said...

I've never cum through cunnilingus, but then I've never cum. Not even alone. I need help here, but I guess 'todger talk' isn't the place to ask for it!

badgerdaddy said...

I love it, me. I'd rather go down on a woman than get a blowie, to be honest. No idea why, I just generally enjoy it more.

One thing leaps into my mind though – the occasions when I haven't enjoyed going down has usually been down to the presence of a gunt, as the profanisaurus says. It makes it pretty difficult to breathe down there if your nostrils are full of belly.

Oh, and Mr Sex - I can't believe you used that picture at the top. I haven't thought about that man in years.