Wednesday, 14 May 2008
Dave: Facing the Dragon
If I have to read about or listen to one more ignorant demand for men to be more confident … It’s up there with ingeniously advising a stutterer to ‘speak slower’ or suggesting to a paraplegic to think really hard about it then leap out of their wheelchair.
C’mon girls, do we insist you inflate your bust, or go on a diet, or complain about that monthly bleeding, moody thing you do? Okay, some of us might do. But that’s not the point.
Besides, it’s alright for women, they’re not born with irreversible expectations of magnitude on their shoulders. We all sympathise with the sexist mantra handed them – of seeking a husband, raising a family, and forming an unhealthy bond with Karen Millen – and so totally encourage all the options for modern life.
In reality, women are aware that thanks to the male libido, which they mock so disparagingly, they would never be permitted to falter in life. If they needed somebody, anybody, they could emotionally (read sexually) ensnare them with considerable ease. Now, even if that were true for us fellas, we wouldn’t believe it.
How can men exude confidence when women are in control of pulling situations? It’s tantamount to publicly presenting ourselves to the Dragon’s Den panel, then waiting off screen while they consider their options. What the fuck are our, oh so flattering, options? Wait around for somebody to approach us, then blow it due to the coronary induced by the overwhelming shock? Or be fortunate enough to be like the ‘lads’ women go for who prowl around indiscriminately trying on the same line to 50 ‘birds’ in one night, looking for a hole to poke no matter how unattractive they find the packaging. Hmm, I’d love to view it like that.
Most of the guys who are able to approach women on a whim are self-absorbed, over-confident jack-the-lads with a brains the size of seedless grapes. But I think most women know this, it’s part of the attraction and yet hypocritically they still berate us for fantasising over the moronic air-head with the fantastic legs and long blonde hair. There’s a difference? Well actually yes, there is. And we still hold the moral high ground. The most absurd differentiation adopted by some women is the divergent category theory: nice equals spineless. Is that like pretty girl means dumb as fuck? On the contrary, it depends on how the term spineless is judged. Nice and shy could still be the most authoritative character in a crisis, whereas bold and brash quite often equates to cowardly and ineffective.
What frustrates me is the fact the women so often fail to appreciate the blindingly obvious – the less confident the guy is in the girl’s company the more flattering it is for her, as he’s quite clearly smitten with her. And a decent rule of thumb, I’ve noticed through observing some of my less than admirable acquaintances, is that the more confident the guy appears, the less the woman he’s smooth-talking is actually doing it for him. You might call it a bit o’ rough justice.