Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Sex Toy Review: The Fleshlight

Now then. You knew this one was coming, didn't you?

If there’s a male equivalent to the Rabbit, that thing up there is it; not because of what it does, but how popular it is. Over 800,000 have been sold worldwide, and they don’t come cheap - which means it must be pretty damn good, or there are a lot of men out there with a fetish for DIY tools. Maybe they should bring out a Black and Decker Workmate with some tits on 'em.

The real reason for its incredible popularity is that it claims to deliver on the top two male requirements; genital realism (the Superskin insert can be pre-ordered with a choice of holes – a fanny, an arsehole, a mouth, or a ‘non-descript’ slot, for anyone whose always wanted to have sex with a fruit machine – as well as a choice of inner linings) combined with the fact that it doesn’t actually look like a sex toy. In theory, you can do the business, give it a rinse, and stick it in your toolbox – which, seeing as that's one of the places where men sequester their grot - make it the perfect sex toy for the modern male.

Instruction sample: “Towel or air-dry the Superskin™ insert and put it back in the case for storage. Excess moisture may generate mold”

You will also need: plenty, plenty lube.

Looks like: A torch, when screwed up (although the huge 'FLESHLIGHT' engraved on the side is a bit of a giveaway. Unscrewed, it looks like a stridently feminist art statement about the commodification of female sexuality. And a bit scary, too; I spent the first five minutes looking at it with a facial expression not dissimilar to Hyacinth Bucket after someone fired a rocket up her skirt.

Feels like:
Well, not exactly like a fanny (very cold, extremely squidgy - you can purchase a special warmer, or run it under the tap - but under no circumstances should you leave it on the radiator), but neither does it feel like having a wank, either. After a generous lubing-up, you get tight but comfortable penetration, and the screw-off cap at the rear of the torch allows you to control the suction to some extent.

Because the Fleshlight is basically a glorified wank-sleeve, it’s incredibly easy to get the hang of; you have total control over the speed and depth of the strokes, most of the pressure is focussed on the much-maligned base of your cock (which results in more intense orgasms), and if you squint hard enough, you feel like you’re in possession of a very big, very thick (albeit very plastic) todge.

Clean-up:
a good rinse should do it, although you feel a bit like an eco-activist washing down a massive jellyfish after an oil spill.

Partner compatibility: Minimal. You could do it for him, but if you get arm-ache after a few minutes of a normal hand-job, you’re gonna have the forearm of Popeye with this.

Pros:
It definitely works, and you don’t have to bury it at the back of the wardrobe…


Cons:
…although you don’t want to be out when there’s a power cut and your flatmate remembers he saw a torch by your bed. Particularly if you haven’t washed it out, and he opens the back up to discover, er, severe battery leakage.


Pink Lady Fleshlight, £34.99, kindly provided by
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=891

Adapted from Boy's Toys, Scarlet magazine (March issue) – www.ScarletMagazine.co.uk

12 comments:

my sun sets to rise again said...

I've just realised what they remind me of.

http://www.dreamagic.com/roger/littleShopOfHorrors.gif

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

*applause*

rosiewishes said...

Ugh, it's hideous!
If I ever discovered that in a boyfriend's room I would run...

Clair said...

Marvellous for any man who thinks the sun shines out of his bird's behind - and any other orifice...

Anonymous said...

Old comments, I know, but for anyone coming across this, what exactly is the difference between this and a dildo?

Yea, there is no difference.

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This toy is perfect for me because I'm really ugly and any woman wants to get sex with me and that's my opportunity to do something similar at least it would be a kind of acting out.

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Howdy Mr. Sex! Thanks for providing the partner compatibility, how to clean-up and the pros and cons on this toy review!

Katy@sex toys said...

I think fleshlight is the favorite sex toy of all men. I like the review that you have shared. Thanks for sharing. :-)

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