I was chatting to one of my female clients the other day about one of the old conundrums of the male psyche. That annoying thing where if it’s not hard work, then they seem to think it’s not really worth it. These sort of men love to hunt, they love the challenge and trying to grab something out of their reach. It’s the victory that is the sweetest moment for them.
For these sort of men if it’s easy then it’s not really worth it. This sort of approach drives me a little bit nuts. Personally I like things to flow easily. I like the signals to be there, know where I stand and for other person to be pretty clear about it. I’ve run across women who play the hunted beautifully, one minute they are on, the next minute off. Baiting you to chase, then freezing you out when you do. Personally this drives me a little bit nuts. But for some men it’s manna from heaven.
I guess you could say something about have genetically men are hunters. How they like the chase. How this adds to the thrill. But what happens when the thrill is gone? In my experience pretty soon they are off on another hunting expedition for some more prey, unless their girl continues to play hard to get even once they’ve got them. Seems all a bit of a miserable way to have a relationship to me.
To be totally honest I used to be one of those men where if it wasn’t hard work I wasn’t interested. I saw an ice queen and no effort was spared to conquer her. Sure the thrill of the kill was pretty good, but it was pretty joyless from then on. I’ve learned my lesson, easy flow is so much more fun. Any thoughts on this? Are you for the flow, or someone who thinks it’s only worth something if you have to fight for it?
6 comments:
I love the thrill of the chase... but I never really EVER wanted to be in a relationship with that person. Once I'd achieved the goal... I was done. "NEXT!"
My current girlfriend, I had been friends with for about a year before we started dating. It would have been sooner if either one of us had conjured up the balls to ask the other out earlier... but it was good. We easily flowed into our relationship. And it's just so much more than tackling the ice queen.
Things you work for are satisfying, sure. Things flowing easily and 'just clicking' can be just as satisfying.
What's to say that these two situations are mutually exclusive? Just because everything flows nicely doesn't mean it isn't or won't be work. My wife and I had a pretty rocky start, and we've both got enough baggage to fill a cargo plane. Our relationship can be hard work sometimes, but we're so good together that just being together as us is not work at all!
Best of both worlds for me.
It's not just men, mind. I've met women with similar feelings - they'll only date a man who seems like he's not interested, and is therefore a challenge.
Yeah, I agree that it isn't just men who do this.
However, I have to say that to me this isn't about conquering the ice maiden/man, it is just those who love the thrill of the chase, playing the game. They are rarely interested in staying with the person at the end of it because it is really all about flattering their own ego, proving they've still got 'it', that they are attractive enough to pull who they want. The only love affair they are really having is with themselves and these are the type of people who if they keep this behaviour up long term, will probably be unfaithful when in a relationship, because they are addicted to this self-adulation.
Is that too harsh? I think it is very human and most of us go through it when young, but it is a problem if you don't grow out of it, or if when in a realtionship, you play take the game beyond flirting.
I always thought it was a "trading up" thing. If someone's not interested in you, probably they're "better"... or think they're better than you. We all want good genes for our kids.
The problem is that after someone's behaved like this the Ice Queen (or King) - who's probably been fucked over a few times and is very very careful as a result - is left with the absolute certainty that even men who work really hard to be with her, don't like her at all once they get to know her, once she lets them anywhere close.
And that, my friend, is a pretty miserable place to be too :-/
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