On the weekend I went out for a drink and a dance for a mate's 30th. Now this friend has become thoroughly domesticated. Conversation included kids, renovation, the constant daze of sleeplessness caused by kids, more rennovation and buying a house 250m up the road from their old house to make sure the kids got into a decent school. The last time this friend had been out clubbing was five, yes count them, five years ago.
We were reminiscing about back in the day and this friend was giving me a ribbing about how in a club once we had been dancing and then ten seconds later I was snogging some girl. I’d spotted a signal and gone of the kill. I was a bit of a bad boy (read wanker) in those days. In those days going clubbing was all about the hunt. I remembered what a rush it was when some girl looks at you, gives you that look and then it was time to go for the kill.
But now things have changed. Now I’m hunting for fun. All my 30 something friends are pretty much domesticated, don’t like the same sort of music as me, or have kids. My fiancée has finally admitted she hates the music I love, and was just pretending to like it all those years, just like I was pretending to like her hard core hip hop.
At the club, when we were all having a jive, I spotted this great dancer. She was fun, having a ball and I had no interest in shagging her. She was the type of person I would really just like to spend some evenings out with burning up the dance floor until closing time and looking for all the world like a Soho native. We had a bit of a boogey– it was the most fun I’ve had under disco balls in ages. But then I pulled out. I was feeling guilty. Did it look like I was trying to pull her? Wasn’t that wrong? Certainly my friends gave me a ‘you sly old devil’ look.
The problem is that there is general presumption is that if you have a dance with a female stranger in a nightclub, you just want to shag them. That was certainly true back in the day, but now, well, I just want to, well, dance. If you have a dance with a male stranger in soho, they presume that you are going to be meeting in the bathroom in the next 10 minutes.
So I was stuck with the conundrum, how do you hunt for fun? It is possible to get the rush of hunting for a dancing partner and that’s ok. Maybe there are girls and guys out there that are happy to burn up the dance floor with a 30 something ex-clubber and just want to dance and not shag. But I guess before I find out, I'm going to get over my own outdated habit that the dance floor is for hunting for a sex, not hunting for fun.
6 comments:
How refreshing! I approach clubbing with the same casual attitude even though the guys I chat up think I'm gagging for it. They know different when I walk away after the really nice chat or dance. Even when I fancy someone I like to draw out the excitement, to the point where holding hands is electrifying...mmm...yum :-)
I can't dance for shit - seriously, prosthetic legs on me and might actually improve the situation. Generally if I try and dance with a girl she thinks I'm attempting to attack her. 'That look' Sam mentions is usually her best pouty 'I've got mace in my bag' look I when am involved.
Any dance tutors reading this who want to give me dance lessons I would happily participate as a todger talk experiment!
You want to just dance with a girl in a nightclub and not expect her and everyone else to think you're on the pull? NEVER going to happen - ever. That's what nightclubs are for. It's a cattle market. Which is a shame cos I love to dance.
I have to agree with Ys - everyone watching, and the woman in question, will all assume you're on the pull. It's one of the reasons I don't really enjoy nightclubs - you accidentally find yourself facing the wrong way on the dance floor for a split second and the guy you end up facing thinks you're about to drop your knickers for him! It would be lovely if you could just dance with people with no expectation but I don't think that's the real world.
Actually, I have a question on a similar subject for other commenters - does the same go for accepting a drink from a guy? Safety concerns about spiked drinks aside, if I get chatting to a guy in a bar/club and he offers me a drink, I feel that if I say no I'm horrendously rude, but if I say yes, I've effectively agreed to sleep with him. Paranoid?
Fi Fi, I think you're being slightly paranoid, but I know it can be awkward if a guy really insists on buying you a drink. In my book, drink should certainly not equal shag, they're hardly on the same level if you think about it logically. When someone asks to buy you a drink, ask what they'd like when you go to the bar later. That way, you make it clear that that's the most they can expect of you. If you feel like taking it further later on, you're all clear, but without the burden of expectation.
Hi
I'm a bloke and i love to dance too. I find that gigs tend to be better than clubs coz everyone goes to the gig for the band NOT to pull, well in theory....
The buying drinks thing is a pretty complex one. I have a similar problem with pals who insist on buying 'rounds'. I prefer to buy my own and therefore drink at my own rate and not 'owe' anyone anything. Coz of the 'minefield' it is I rarely offer to buy females a drink. Mind you, maybe that's why i'm single?
Cheers
Jules
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