'Mr Sex' on this new male contraceptive injection thing

So, there's been a big fuss about the announcement of a new jab that could be the Male Pill we've all be waiting for. And this one, by the sound of it, might just work. Mint. Finally, just like women nearly fifty years ago, men get to cast off their fears about pregnancy and become more sexually liberated and up for one-night stands and stuff like that, because it's about time. I'm already lining up a few mini-skirts for myself.

Thing is, whenever I read anything about a Male Pill, my mind goes back to the first nudey book I ever chanced across, in the mid-70s, and an advert I saw for something called The Vascectomy Club. On payment of a couple of quid - and I swear blind I'm not making this up - you could buy a tie and a blazer badge that would subtly let all the womenfolk know that you had had The Snip and wouldn't get them up the stick. And when applying for this club, did you have to supply proof of said snip? Did you fuck (70s wank mags were horrible like that - I must write about them one day).

But anyway, when you think about it, the idea of a Male Pill as a cure-all has been dead in the water for over a quarter of a century, hasn't it? Alright, let's say that a Male Pill (or a Male Jab or a Male Suppository or a Male Anything) comes onto the market, and it works. Putting aside the fact that a lot of men are more than capable of forgetting or not being arsed to take medication for heart problems, it's going to be a boon for those of us in monogamous relationships. But what about us single and eligible shag-rats? Here's a quick questionnaire;

If there was a Male Pill and it worked, would I take it?
Hell motherflippin' yes. Johnnies are horrible.

Would any woman I came into contact with believe me when I said I had?
In a pig's arse would she.

And what protection from STDs would this Pill give me and her?
Precisely fuck all.

And there you go. The Male Pill is an inevitability, but unless you could take it in front of your partner and it worked immediately, or if everyone who signed up for it had an LCD screen embedded in their forehead that flashed; "YES, HE'S ON IT, DON'T PANIC", nothing is really going to change, regardless of what the papers tell you. We're still going to have to wait for the pub toilets to be completely empty before furtively shoving three quid in the johnny machine.

Dr Ayan: Nothing is perfect

Here's the thing...  No form of contraception is perfect.  Condoms can be a turn off, as we know.  The pill can increase blood pressure, give you migraines, and if you're really unlucky a DVT (clot in a deep leg vein), but in essence, it's pretty much down to luck and how your body handles the drug.  The IUCD (intra-uterine contraceptive device) or coil works brilliantly for some women but not for others.  Some hate the thought of it.  

The best way is to think about what might suit you and what you're willing to try out.  If you don't get on with one type, try another but there are no guarantees.  There is a special type of IUCD called the Mirena or IUD (intra-uterine device) that can have some medical benefits like shrinking fibroids or helping heavy periods, but this has to be balanced with side effects like low libido, mood disturbance, bloating and irregular periods.  You may get no problems at all, one or two, or every single one in the book - you just can't tell until you try.

Sam: The Divorce Pill

The pill, it sparked a good round of conversation in a recent manbits and got me thinking about a couple of run-ins I’ve with those little bundles of oestrogen.

My first pill experience was when my girlfriend started to go bonkers. She started having severe mood swings, would cry at a moments notice and dipped into really quite bad depression. One day my mother was harping on about how rubbish the pills is (a pet topic of hers) and it occurred that there might be some sort of connection. My girlfriend and I switched back to condoms and in no time she was back to her perky normal self. The change was quite sudden and in retrospect, quite shocking.

Another girlfriend went on the pill briefly and the effect was different, but packed just as much punch. She suddenly pretty much completely lost interest in sex and just wanted to snuggle 24 hours a day. I completely lost my interest in snuggling her and suddenly started treating her like a portable rutting post – in the bad, wham bam thank you mam, 20 seconds, it’s all over and roll over for a snooze type way. Completely out of character for me. No, really. Again it all went back to normal once we ditched the pill.

What I found shocking was that neither of my girlfriends were told about any possible side-effects besides weight gain by their GP. And I, as a bloke, was completely in the dark. Let’s face it, anything that tricks your body into thinking it’s constantly pregnant is going to probably have a few side effects. Have a look on Wikipedia and negative side effects include weight gain, loss of libido and lubrication, a possible doubling of your chances of suffering depression oh and perhaps a bit of facial discolouration. Nice.

To add insult to injury a woman’s sense of smell is suppressed while on the pill actually making her attracted to a man with the wrong sort of immune system. You can guess what happens when she stops taking it – no wonder it’s been labelled the divorce pill.

I think pill packets should have the following branded on them: THIS MAY SEND YOU BONKERS, MAKE YOU CHOOSE THE WRONG SORT OF MAN, COMPLETELY KILL YOUR INTEREST IN SEX AND POSSIBLY WRECK YOU RELATIONSHIP. FOR GODS SAKE USE SOME OTHER FORM OF CONTRACEPTION. PLEASE.