Thursday, 8 January 2009

Danonymous Dan: The Little Things

Not feeling so hot right now. This morning saw me driving my girlfriend to Heathrow airport so she could fly off home. It is so shit. I came home afterwards, did some work but my heart wasn’t really in it. I found it hard to concentrate and had a listless sense that I’d rather do something else but didn’t know what or have the will to actually think of anything. Yes, I moped. In fact I’m still doing it.

She flew over here to spend Christmas with me and also for my Birthday/New Years’ – which was cracking by the way thanks for asking. It was an important trip for us as things haven’t been as good as they could have been and this trip was a sort of concentrated healing/reflection/rejuvenation/ having fun period. The worst thing about a long distance relationship is not the lack of sex. While that is irritating, it’s relatively easy to bare. Really the saddest part of a long distance relationship are, to quote a band that can’t play their instruments, ‘all the small things.’ Things that I am sure are easily taken for granted in a regular relationship, but which are so important.

I can’t stay in on the couch with her, I can’t go out for a meal with her, we can’t argue properly, we can’t make up properly either. Kissing, flirting, pinching, stroking, rubbing, or simply being silent in each other’s company are all beyond us. The tiny social interactions that you do every day, which cement your relationship in so many unnoticeable ways, aren’t there. I’ve never been as aware of the value of these things as I have been while in my current relationship.

Skype is helpful, but it is a plaster on the stump of a severed arm. I can see her as we chat, and I am very thankful for that, but its rather like listening to a crap mobile phone rendition of a classical score and pretending it sounds as good as an Orchestra.

You will all be pleased to know that my girlfriend has just texted me to let me know her plane landed ok. I feel the trip accomplished a lot for us, forward steps that are very difficult to take when you are so far apart and the nature of your time together is patchy and sporadic. Not only did we have fun, but killed a few demons that were in our way also. So whilst I hate having to miss her again, I am really pleased that I do because it reminds me just how good we are together and just how much I love her.


Anna said...

It's strange how, in a long-distance relationship, problems crop up that could be solved by a face-to-face conversation, or a hug. If you can't have those tings, the problems are much harder to deal with.

I was in a long distance relationship for a year, and it was very hard sometimes. How long have you been with your lady?

Katie said...

This is s lovely, honest post Dan. Being female and just out of a long distance relationship (he lives here now!) it was refreshing to hear a blokes point of view. I used to imagine the male side of the LDR just fell back into the footie, pint and tv routine.

I found that we talked a lot on the phone/skype etc quite easily about things in the beginning that we perhaps wouldn't have face to face.

All turns out good though.

badgerdaddy said...

The only time myself and my lovely wife really argue is when I'm travelling with work, and we talk on the phone. It's very strange. But then, so much of communication is non-verbal.

Anonymous said...

Our LDR is 4 years and counting. Hoping to move soonish, but money is still too tight atm.
In a way its good- we havent had chance to break up over anything trivial. If we do argue we make up again before we part. The downside is not being able to hold hands, or watching other couple squabble over insignificant things.
And we tend to eat far too much when we are together. Its like catching up on a months worth of meals in 4 days:/
Glad your time together went well :)
Hope your happiness continues and that it works out for you both in the long run.

swayed said...

My now-husband and I were LDR for what felt like several centuries: even after we got married, we had nearly six months with him in the US and me in Australia.

The little things, god, yes; all those little things that every couple takes for granted, that left me green with envy...

But, on the up-side, when we finally found ourselves living in, bliss, the same house...those little things became so much more appreciated. Even today, four years after he moved her, we still treasure doing the little things. I sometimes feel that, in the long run, we have it better now than some couples who didn't have the long-distance thing, because we know what it's like to be apart, we've learned to treasure everything. Even doing the washing up together, or the housecleaning. Because we're finally together.

Anonymous said...

Do you have any plans for one of your to move to be together?

I can understand long distance relationships and why people conduct them, only not when there are no plans to eventually be together. In that situation, I do question the logic behind the LDR.

Smarty Bum said...

My sympathies, mate. Long distance relationships do suck very badly. You are quite right about all those tiny little interactions... I have lost count of the times my other half and I have tried to recreate them over the phone. I won't ask how long you guys still have to be apart, but I hope for your sake that it's not too long...

Some Chilean Woman said...

First time reading through your blog...nice!

My guy is moving here in 6 weeks. We've been at this LDR for 7 months and it truly sucks...I feel your pain.