Sorry to drag up old posts, but allow me, if you will, to revisit this particular topic. As I pointed out, the American porn industry generates about $13,000,000,000 per year, which is pretty impressive. Even more impressive when you realise that my contribution to that figure is precisely nuppence. Obviously, given my previous profession and my current one, I've managed to blag all manner of grot and toyness, but even before then I was a total mingebag to the sex industry.
Last night, whilst being unable to sleep, I worked out to the best of my abilities how much money I'd laid out over the course of my lifetime in the name of smut. And here it is;
Copy of Men Only, from mate who nicked it out of his Dad's garage, 1982 - £1.50Three and a half quid. Hm. That's not kept anyone in the business in tit jobs and hard drugs, has it?
Phone call made to wankline in the back of Sunday paper, 1 minute, 1984 - £0.80
Porn video catalogue, 1985 - £0.24 (price of stamp and self-addressed envelope)
Vibrator, from Skegness pound shop and hidden in mate's car, 1990 - £1.00
Grand total - £3.55
What makes it even worse is that when I worked on wank mags, I was the Pogo Patterson of pornography. I learned one thing very quickly; the incredible bartering power of filth. At least once a week, I loaded up on grot, shoved it into a record bag, and would distribute it amongst the populace (who had the money for smut, but not the intestinal fortitude to pay for it) in return for all manner of services. Four copies of Penthouse - eighth of hash. One of Asian Babes, Readers Wives, Real Wives and New Talent - a second-hand jacket I'd had my eye on for ages. Big stack of filth - free drinks in the pub.
My biggest score was`a deal with a mate of a mate who would let me pick out three Playstation game in his shop for a bag full of porn CD-ROMS. Seeing as they were all free covermounted gifts on mags, and were found by me in a bin in the office, I'd say it was a pretty successful transaction. That's the great thing about porn - worth considerably more when you don't have it, worth considerably less when you do. If this recession everyone's banging on about really kicks in, I fully predict that all currency will be rendered obsolete and transactions will be made exclusively through wank material. Newsreaders will announce that the Escort has dropped five points against the Dildo, and OPEC has increased the value of a barrel of oil to an all-time high of 75 Razzles.
But anyway. If someone like me has spent arse all in the name of Porn, that has to mean that someone else has spent considerably more. So fess up, TT'ers - how much have you, er, spunked on porn over the course of your life?