OK, this has been bugging me for ages, and I could do with an answer so I can sleep at night; I'm guessing that a sizable proportion of our male readership are circumcised, yes? And we've already discussed that there's a few advantages to that - you don't have nob-cheese issues, and you don't have something that can easily get caught in a zip. Well done. Good for you.
But here's the thing; the one advantage us polo-neck sporters have over your lot is that our danglers come ready-lubricated with our own in-built sleeve, meaning that we can pretty much joff off whenever we like with no need for any paraphernalia (apart from something to catch it in, of course). And from pretty much any American TV show that touches upon male masturbation, I've divulged that hand cream is the lubricant of choice.
So here's what I need to know: how the fuck do you get hold of it? I mean, it's bad enough when you're at the till in Tescos, and your selection of Pot Noodles, microwave meals for one and low-grade pizzas are practically screaming out your singleness, but having a tube of Nivea or whatever on the conveyor belt...fucking hell. From where I'm sitting, you might as well rearrange every tin in your trolley and make them spell out the words 'HEY! I'M GOING TO HAVE A WANK IN A BIT, EVERYONE!'.
So what do you do, my no-skin brethen? Do you tell the girl behind the till that you model jewellery for QVC, or that your mother's laid up again with Psoriasis? Do you close your eyes and wish yourself a thousand miles away? Do you brazen it out like a good'un? Or do you use something else?
Come, chaps: share.