Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Sam: Bombing on the basics

You know it always amazes me how many people bomb on the flirting basics. I was at a party on the weekend, packed to the brim with friendly Aussies, Kiwis and the odd noisy South African. Like any party, if you want to, it’s pretty easy to talk to anyone there – you have an immediate connection – the host. Wander over, start chatting and it’s the easiest question in the world ‘how do you know X (the host)’. Provides an immediate point of connection and conversation. Of course because you are all in the same boat, that person will always talk to you opening the path to whatever may happen next.

So as the night wore on and I continued to consume a few too many vodka cocktails I got chatting with this guy. Usually at parties I can’t help myself, and somehow the conversation came around to the girls he fancied at the party. And how he hadn’t talked to them, or rather particularly the one dressed as a rather attractive bunny (yes it was a fancy dress party).

Now unfortunately for him, I was too sozzled at this stage to make an effective wingman. I.e. wander over, chat to the person bunny girl was talking to. He gets to wander over with me, and the natural thing is for him or bunny girl to start chatting. Takes away all the fear of the approach. I got distracted by feeling a bit peckish and wandered off to the kitchen for a sausage roll. Cut scene to two hours later. Bunny girl is in the kitchen talking to another man, bunny fancying guy is out in another room chatting to someone else and still hasn’t talked to her. I am still way too hammered to do anything about it.

But good lord, it does truly amaze me how many people simply totally fail to talk to someone they find attractive. Even when there are copious quantities of inhibition reducing alcohol involved. Even when you are at a party where everyone is a friend of a friend, or at the very least a friend of the host and you must be ok, because well, you are a friend of the host! Even when you are a party where everyone is a friendly chatty antipodean and they will always talk to you. Even at an English party, they will always talk to you.

So if you are at a party, at least get off the starting block, please talk to that person you’ve got you’re eye on. Or if I’m there make sure you give me several pints of water and I promise I won’t wander off for a snack in the kitchen. We’ll I’ll try not to . . .

1 comment:

Sadie said...

I sadly recently discovered that some men need updating on the basics of not only how to get someone to bed but what to do when you get there: giving your partner orgasms is really important and not something to slack on.

Previously in my life I'd only been with men who not only knew this but were likely to need reassurance if I didn't come some day, reassurance that he was doing fine and it was just one of those days. But I dated an Englishman whose preferred sexual style is to play with my breasts until he gets turned on, ask me to go down on him, and then get tea and kippers. I am not making this up. And I come easily, but even I don't come from giving a blow job!

And yes, I made a lot of suggestions for additional things to do, in a warm sexy way, and told him gently but straightforwardly that this wasn't working for me while we weren't in bed. He didn't change, so I left. He's a nice guy, and someone I'm attracted to, and we like each other. I miss him a lot in other ways. It's really sad that he's selfish and lazy in bed. Fortunately that's something that's not too hard to spot, so I didn't waste a lot of time.

(By the way, gentlemen, don't worry if you're inexperienced -- giving people experience is fun! But being experienced but not interested in making your partner come -- that's just plain crap in bed)