Thursday, 2 April 2009

Danonymous Dan: Make-Up Sex

You have an argument. You make up. You have sex. Everything is okay.

Make up sex: an excellent concept.

I like it. It’s simple and makes sense; you draw a line under an issue or problem and ensure that is doesn’t bleed into other areas of your relationship. It signifies business as usual, no harm done, back on track.

But does it actually exist? Can’t say that it features in my relationship, or indeed my past relationships either - if I’ve just had a whacking great barney with the missus, the last thing she wants to do is bump uglies. After an argument, sex is the last thing on her mind - both in cases where I was in the wrong and apologise, and in cases where she was in the wrong. In fact, especially when I am correct and she is in the wrong – in that scenario, not only do I rarely get an apology, but certainly nothing resembling make-up sex.

I don’t know whether it is a conscious or unconscious decision, but I suspect this has something to do with not wanting to be seen to reward me for being wrong, or, in the scenario where I am the aggrieved party, not wanting to take too submissive a stance (no, not like that) and lose face.

(Somebody rather more cynical than I might suggest that withholding sex is a backdoor way of securing some small victory out of the jaws of defeat. Cock is a hard thing to swallow after a helping of humble pie, I guess.)

Frankly, its seems fairly obvious to me that if a guy irritates his girlfriend and makes her upset, then she isn’t going to want to have sex with him. I can’t open a womens magazine or read a problem page without being told sex is much more a mental thing for girls, more about ‘frame of mind’. So taking that as a starting point, it's not surprising that if a guy puts his partner in a bad frame of mind, she doesn’t want to have sex with him.

Perhaps it’s the act of being asked (or`pestered) by the guy for sex after a fight is what allows a girl to know her bloke is sorry for being a prick? The more he is made to beg, the more sorry he seems? Just a thought.

In the movies or on TV – a poor frame of reference, I admit – a pair will have a fight and then start snogging each other’s faces off as their angry passions ignite desires too strong to control. Make-up sex ensues. I’ve yet to experience this anger lighting the fuse of passion – does it exist?

I fear I may never get to have the ‘angry make up sex’ unless I dump my present girlfriend and start dating the writer of a daytime soap. Still, I guess I should keep trying for Todger talk readers - so in the spirit of investigative journalism:

“Honey, you smell! I don’t like that dress and you have a funny American accent.”

I’ll let you know how it goes…


Kathleen said...

Make up sex doesn't normally happen when one of you is "wrong". For me, it's when we have a disagreement or something doesn't feel right, and we solve it, and I feel so relieved and so happy to have him that I fuck his brains out.

CV said...

What a silly thought about withholding sex (rewards and submissiveness etc). No wonder you never have make up sex if you look at it like that. I would remind you (and men in general) that woman's desire for sex depends a lot on mood/feelings. Make her feel good and smile. Smiling women don't withhold sex.

I totally agree with Kathleen about being so relieved and happy. I would also add a hint - humor does magic. End your fights in humor and you probably will have make up sex too.

I think you should really work on your domestic dispute skills. Changing girlfriend wouldn't help you.

Laura said...

You don't need to remind him, he does make that point. Did you read it?

Also I am pretty certain the changing girlfriend point was tongue in cheek.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Kathleen.

For me there is no "make up sex" after major arguments or problems because it takes a while for both of us to sort our heads out and get to the point where we feel happy and comfortable in the relationship again - that's when the sex comes back.

For the record I've found no difference between my 'mental' attitude to sex and my boyfriend's, but perhaps that's because I don't read "women's magazines" and just pay attention to what I know I actually want.

Ys said...

Make-up sex for me and my boyfriend comes after we've made up not during the argument. I thought that's why it was called make-up sex cos you're making up...

I have never ever EVER withheld sex as a form of punishment. That would just be punishing myself!