Ladies: If there's ever been anything about men you've wanted to know but were afraid to ask, or wanted a male viewpoint on a certain relationship niggle you're going through, drop an email to us at todger dot talk @ googlemail dot com. We shall pick one out and answer it to the best of our capabilities.
This week's question...
Anonymous writes: Hi guys - I have been reading your blog for a long time and have a bit of a problem I could use your help with. I was in a long term relationship which went up the Swannee, and have since met someone else who is great - but he is really into oral sex and I am not. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy going down on him - but do not want him to reciprocate. Unfortunately, this is something he really enjoys and although he is accepting of my issues (I've had kids and am not comfortable with a face-to-fanny situation!), it is still something he'd really like to do. What do you suggest?
'Mr Sex' says: Before I say anything else, I feel the need to say that 'face-to-fanny situation' is my favourite new term, and I intend to drop it in conversation at some point this weekend. Thank you.
To be honest, this is a bastard of a problem for a man to address, so expect a lot of dancing about a range of subjects. Speaking as someone who has never actually given birth, I obviously can't provide the full picture, but speaking as someone who has knocked about with a saucy Mam or two, I know what an exceptionally hot potato it can be for both parties. But I'm not sure that's entirely the real issue here.
From a male point of view, I could bang on all day about the subject, but I'll keep it brief and zone in on, er, your bits. I don't how long it's been since you've had kids, or whether you like being noshed in the past, but it's obvious that you're not feeling as genitally tip-top as you did before. Now, I could sit here behind a laptop and say "Ah, come on, love, don't be silly, there's nowt wrong with you, let him get his mouth round you" all day, but that's not going to help matters one little bit. If you're not confident, you're not confident, and there's nothing I can do to change that. That has to come from you.
Actually, if you ask me, the coming-out-of-a-long-term-relationship element might be more of an issue than you think. You've obviously have been comfortable being naked with someone else, where the pair of you were used and had grown accustomed to each others flaws. All of a sudden, New Bloke comes along, and you go through the excitement - and insecurities - of a new relationship, where sex is firmly back on the table.
Basically, you're out of your comfort zone and it sounds to me that you may be having issues that you're being perused - and possibly judged - as a shaggable sliver of woman again. I think this one really has to be lobbed over to the womenfolk of TT for a proper answer, but as someone who prefers giving over receiving, I can imagine your new chap must be champing at the bit to get stuck in there, and probably feels a bit guilty that he can't do for you what you're doing for him. But he's going to have to hold back and let you take your time.
Readers of TT - er, help...