Wednesday, 15 April 2009

'Mr Sex': The 'Finger in the Gob' move

Every chap who has gone out upon the spree and has got lucky knows this one; you're chatting a lady up, and it's going well. Incredibly well. So well, in fact, that she leans over, takes your hand, and flashes the ultimate green light; your finger in her gob. And, as we all know, she's not doing it to get a bit of masticated crisp out of her back teeth. It's such a brilliant move; without speaking, without drawing attention to herself, and without going overboard about it, she's saying "I want to cut myself a slice of your Sex-Cake"

All well and good, but here's what I want to know, and I'm hoping our intelligent and open-minded female readership can enlighten me on this; what can we do in return? Putting aside the obvious whimpering, or talking inappropriate, bud-nipping, scary filth, I can only think of one counter-move; getting her hand, shoving her thumb through her index and middle finger, and then licking at it like a dog at its own bits. And that seems really complicated and wrong.

So step lively, ladies, and tell us all what we should be doing. Please.


Lizzle-ba-Dizzle said...

Actually, I did have a guy lick my hand between my pointer and middle fingers once. I got the message, but I didn't think it was sexy. Umm but another guy kissed the back of my hand, turned it over, and kissed my palm up my wrist to my arm, then kind of trailed off. I guess it's not a blatant reference to anything in particular, but it felt nice, the message was clear ("I want to kiss MORE of you!") and was *definitely* sexy.

Anna said...

Can I just say how nice it is that you refer to chaps and ladies when so many less respectful alternatives are available to you?
Yes I can. And I just did.

Honestly, I had no idea people did this. It is very blatant indeed. So, sorry, I can't really think of an appropriate 'reply...' although a kiss on the neck would do the trick. Reduces me to jelly.

Liz, the hand kissing is an interesting one... I've generally found that any man who kisses my hand the first time we meet is invariably creepy and offputting. Shame, really, because on paper it sounds sweet.

bookgeek:rhiannon said...

What makes you think that a woman won't enjoy the simple finger-sucking? Just because it doesn't directly mirror oral sex doesn't mean it's not hitting lots of nerves in the fingers themselves.

Anonymous said...

Isn't this all a bit gross?

And what's the point of promising oral later anyway? Probably catch something.

J said...

Ugh, not the old finger in the mouth debacle! You don't know where it's been! Do a lot of women do this?

Erm, first thought is that women who are prone to the finger in the gob maneuver would probably appreciate a similar gesture, but the grand majority of women would neither perform the gesture nor appreciate it being performed on them! I can actually easily imagine one of my girl friends skittering down the bar to find me and declaring, "We have to leave right now, that guy just licked my hand!"

It's all very well making a gesture that tells girls you want to cut to the chase, but we already KNOW you want that (or generally assume it). The reason why a woman might stick your finger in the gob is because women don't always want to cut to the chase, so if they do they want to make sure they're not misunderstood.

My suggestion is avoid gestures that imply your intentions. It'll make you seem too obvious, and therefore uninteresting. Continue using the subtle approach and I think you'll have more success in the long run...

martin said...

A girl used an interesting method to get my attention the other night.

I was propping up a wall in a club, waiting for my girlfriend to come back from having a smoke, when a girl came up to me and said something. I didn't quite hear her, so asked her to repeat herself ("Is this upstairs?", as she turned out to be saying, is an odd question to be asking anyway), so she leaned in closer to my ear.

And bit it.

Not a little nibble on the lobe, but a big crunch on the top part. The cartilage at the top.

I was somewhat taken aback, and while I was checking that she hadn't drawn blood, she started trying to chat me up.

Have any of your readers experienced this kind of behaviour before, or did I just chance upon Crazy of Camden?

Milana said...

Good god, have you had many women do this too you?

Sounds like the sort of thing a very young woman might try having seen it on a crap TV programme perhaps. I for one would hope that the next morning she would wake up sober, cringe and make a vow to herself to never, ever repeat it!

Anyway, as you can tell, I would never do such a thing and would probably climb out of the pub's toilet window and leg it if any bloke did anything similar to me.

Don't get me wrong, i do like a direct approach from a bloke. My all time favourite would be an approach from behind an intimate gesture such as a hand on my hip, or pushing my hair back, then a very quietly spoken, not whispered, but close to the ear 'I want to fuck you'.

This pretty much guarantees success with me.

Kriss said...

Keep an eye on her technique - if she can't keep her teeth off your finger she's not going to do much better with anything larger is she.

Then follow your own tip and eat a creme egg in front of her - trying not to get distracted by the chocolate.

Personally I'm not so keen on licking, sucking or groping in public places. A kiss on the inside of the wrist, kisses on the neck, and a look of desire that would melt lead. that's quite enough.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, having to agree with the majority that this does seem like a bit of a rough and inexperienced manouver on the part of the lady in question. If you want to check out if her finger-sucking matches her felating skills, how about turning her hand over (palm up), bring it up to eye-level and kiss her palm gently whilst rubbing your thumb lightly over the inside of her wrist...all the time maintaining eye-contact. That'll get her going and see if she's actually up for it, or if she's leading you on.

Anonymous said...

Who does this? Chavs?

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

What an unsavoury comment to make, last Anonymous. And anyway, sovereign rings play havoc with fillings.

Lily Lane said...

I can't believe how many commenters are turned off by this! I love this move, and I love having it returned. Hands are very sensitive!
I say return it, but make it about pleasuring the hand, not suggesting oral sex. Kiss the back of the hand, near the wrist, and then continue kissing down the back of the hand and fingers. Kiss the front of the fingers once too, then give the fingertips a little suck. DON'T draw it out too long or the brain has time to kick in and start thinking "Ew, my hand is covered in saliva. Where am I going to wipe this when he's done? Wait, when was the last time I washed my hands?"
The move feels exciting because you're drawing attention to nerve endings that most people have forgotten can be erotic. The value is in the surprise of possibility. "My fingers feel amazing...what else can he do?" Extending it past those first surprise is not going to get someone off.