Tuesday, 17 June 2008

'Mr Sex': Return of the Porn Letters, AND the Groundskeeper Willie soundalike


Oh yes.You asked for it, I shoved my arm round the back of the sofa, and here it is. Remember this charming letter from a few months back? He's back. So, plump up the cushions, turn the phones off, and prepare to read the following;
Please ADELE Show me your Lovely Gorgeous BUM please Dearest ADELE, How I Wished that I was that Toilet Seat on which you sat your GORGEOUS SEXY BOTTY on. as I've always admired your gorgeous Beautiful Super Sexy BUM. to me no Girlies Bare BOTTY excites me more than yours and Adele I Love to Masterbate. Whilst I'm looking at your BOTTY bare and so sexy. I'm a BUM fancier but AW ADELE how lucky must your panties be stuck up the CRACK of your Adorable Beautiful Gorgeous BOTTOM I Love your lushious BUM Adele but it's a pity you didn't Flash your BOTTY off for me Sweetheart a bit Mair/More you may only be a beautiful Sexy model ADELE but truth is I really enjoy many WANKS over your rather gorgeous BOTTY and When ever I play Wi ma 9" Penis ADELE I always look at Mayfair Sweetheart just because your Sweet Sexy BUM excites me. I'm in Heavon Adele when I Wank over your BOTTOM. it's ever so Gorgeous and a Cutie Sext BOTT. Aw Adele. I'm growing ever so fond of you and your rather Scorching Sexy Sexy BOTT. I hope you liked the photie I Sent you Sweetheart as its no every GIRL that gets tae see ma MASSIVE HUGE PENIS
(Photo attached of nasty, not-9"-at-all willy held up against even nastier duvet cover)
but Darling your Gorgeous BOTTY just turns me on. Adele. and I Just carn't help mysel from pulling doon my KNICKS and Wanking over that ever so Gorgeous BUM of yours Sometime I no I'm gonie CUM in my pants When e're I see your Bare Bottom. How I find your Gorgeous BUM excites me So. your Gorgeous BUM Adele brings m so much Joy. but I've always Wanted to shag you yer BUM Adele and WOW What a very lickable pussy too. I keep thinking Adele abooy how many times Ye take your PANTIES doon and why Girlies nearly always SQOT to pee. Your so Sweet ADELE and Beautiful too. and I hope your BUMS in Mayfair for manys a year tae make me shoot lot o my CUM ower. I think yo aught tea come live whith Me Darling. So I Could Finger and Massarge your Gorgeous BOTTY cheecks and Finger Yer ANUS too. aw DARLING I whish I had your BOTTY in my Double Bed. When Oh't When Adele. Will you please Send me your KNICKERS please Adele. at the Moment tho I'm in Hospital but I'm haeing Such Wet Dreams Adele caused by you. I Wish. I could still see your incredibly Sexy Gorgeous BOTTY. Adlele. Just Afoew I go. hoe many times do you MASTERBATE Adele in a day? must go as nature calls. So Just ye take care o yersel Adele SWALK

10 comments:

Angela-la-la said...

SWALK

Cute touch at the end there.

Nottingham's 'Mr Sex' said...

Yeah, unless the last letter stands for 'Knife'.

blueskies2day said...

Well, isn't he a charmer?

Innocent Loverboy said...

He's got a terrible problem with his caps lock there. I had no idea there were self-activating ones available.

bittersweet said...

SQOT .. it took me a moment, but i got there, sadly.

Anonymous said...

sealed with a lecherous kiss, perhaps?

Dilettante said...

That has to be one of the least erotic things I've ever read. Wow. I am aghast at the sheer verbosity of it...

I think that Innocent Loverboy is right. The caps locks must be self-activating. There's no way someone did that on purpose...

Rob The Geek said...

Wow thats erm.. pretty.. weird?

I have to be honest, I would struggle to spreq out that much bollocks when pissed.. And believe me, I can talk some serious bollocks.

Not erotic. Not cool. The closest this dude would have got to "Adele's" BOTTY would be this letter, as she wiped her arse with it..

Although he would probably like that.. Best give it to the builders down the street instead, I'm sure they could use some toilet paper :D

A bit past it myself said...

Groundskeeper willie is getting a lot of stick and I feel compelled to speak in his defence. I think his writing has quite an interesting lyrical quality: the use of repetition, the way he addresses his muse, Adele, and the scots dialect. Strip out the punctuation and it could be some first person stream of consciousness from a James Joyce novel. Add a bit more rhyme and meter, and tone down the smut a little and there's a touch of Robbie Burns. As for his character, for all we know willie is a pillar of the community. It sounds to me that he is getting on in years tho (in Hospital at the moment he says) so I'm picturing someone 60+ who probably would be scared stiff if he met Adele in the flesh.

Keep up the porn letters, they are hysterical!

buy viagra said...

Masterbate ? hahaha it sounds kinda funny I never notice that some people uses this word... twisted.