Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Sex Toy Review: Nexus Vibro Ribbed

Yes, it's up-the-arse time again, but this one is a bit special. For a kick-off, it's dead expensive - nearly a hundred quid. Secondly, there's a stainless steel ball that rolls up and down the old perineum. Thirdly - and the title might be a bit of a giveaway - it vibrates. And it's ribbed. And did I mention the opportunity to stick a hundred pounds up your arse?

You will also need: An Olympic-sized swimming pool of lube. Also, if it's your first time, a towel on the bed, loads of tissues, and a wardrobe that you can slide over the door. And maybe some sandwiches and crisps and summat to read - it's going to take some time to do it properly.

Looks like: a broken-off bit of Conan the Barbarian’s sword.

Feels like: Due to the ribbiness, it's a very cautious procedure getting it in (but at least you know it's not gonna slip out and skitter across the floor). Once in, it was more comfortable than I ever thought it was going to be – until I clenched and the ball-bearing kicked in. Yoink. As for the Vibrations, they're surprisingly relaxing, coming as they do in waves. Apparently, which practise, you can attain a very strong orgasm by just clenching (leaving both hands free to read the paper, or play Football Manager), but you'll have to experiment for yourself.

Clean-up: A quick scrub under a hot tap'll do yer.

Partner Compatibility: Depends if your partner is up for ramming something up your jacksie. They usually are, though, aren't they?

Pros: It's pricey, and a bit intimidating, but it's the best on the market. Maybe not the best one for a newcomer - the Rude Boy would be the ideal first choice - but it's dead, dead, dead good.

Cons: It takes a 6-volt battery, which means you'll be traipsing round town looking for somewhere that sells em, until you find out that the only place that does is the bloke who has a stall in town twice a week, and then when you approach him you find out it costs a fortune, and then he says 'What do you need it for, anyway?' and you say you don't know because it's for a mate, and you'll come back when you have the money, and you never do because you're scared.

Nexus Vibro Ribbed, £99.45, kindly provided by www.sextoys.co.uk

Adapted from Boy's Toys, Scarlet magazine (March issue) – www.ScarletMagazine.co.uk


6 comments:

Silicon Limey said...

Just once I'd like to see a sex toy up here that doesn't look like it's been designed by a member of the Spanish Inquisition with access to injection moulding :)

The torso was scary enough but satan would go to work on a snowplough before that came anywhere near my rusty sheriff's badge.

fluffie said...

oh my, i don't know wether to be impressed or slightly scared...
I know! if only they'd made it day-glo green with a little smiley face....

Anonymous said...

Signficantly cheaper on Lovehoney...

vally said...
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