Friends. When you are in a relationship, you’d think that they would be the last one’s that you’d have to keep an eye on. The last one’s that you’d think would do something a bit naughty and inappropriate around your girlfriend. But let’s face it, we’ve all got one. One of your friends who just dances around in that grey area between inappropriate and out right out of order with your woman.
I’ve got one mate like this. At first it’s really hard to put your finger on. For me it started as a strange feeling of discomfort. There was nothing really blatantly out of order and I ignored it because I really like this guy. But then the niggle got stronger and I really started paying attention to his body language, since after all actions speak so much louder than words.
Around my fiancée he was just a bit too attentive. Actually when I watched him, a lot too attentive. His attention would be totally absorbed in her when she talked and he would fix her with intense laser like eye contact. Then I noticed that he was spending a bit too much time inside her intimate zone (inside arms length away) – literally getting just too close for a friend. Then the real corker came when we were all watching a movie at home together. He sat in between me and my fiancée, with me in between him and his girlfriend. So were were seated like this:
His Girlfriend – ME – HIM – My fiancée
And then draped his arm out along the couch behind my fiancée’s shoulder. Basically his body language was way crossing over the line – he was sitting where her partner should sit, draping his arm in a way that only a partner should, and sitting as close as only a partner should.
Now you may think I’m banging the drum a bit here – but when my fiancée and I talked about it the level our how weird this all felt came out. It was a strange kind of feeling of being a bit soiled, like he had done something a kind dirty that we couldn’t put our finger on, and couldn’t really say anything out loud about, but just felt really wrong. And it was made worse by him doing all this right in front of me and his girlfriend, which was frankly just pretty disrespectful. The problem is that you can’t really turn around to someone like this and say – ‘hey mate, your body language is a bit weird, you are crossing the intimate line between friend and boyfriend, so back off buddy’.
After having a good chat about it, my fiancée worked out a plan, we wouldn’t say it, but we would take action that said it. In the last case we both got up to get drinks, then I came back and literally plonked myself down in between him and my fiancée. When he was chatting with her and getting too close I would do the same.
This got the whole thing more under control and made us both feel more comfortable. But how boring, having to constantly fend off a so called friend. Needless to say he doesn’t get as many invites around to ours any more.
What about you, got any line crossing friends? How do you deal with them?