Tuesday, 21 October 2008

Sam: Bedroom Shocks part 2

The other night I was out watching New Zealand comedian in Hammersmith. He was telling various tales about his life in London – and one of them was about talking dirty. Apparently a lovely English lass had a requested a bit of dirty talk in the bedroom. ‘Whoa, I’m not really into that’ he thought, but ended up delivering some great subliminal messaging -  ‘Yeah, you love that don’t ya, (whispered) we need sky plus’. Fast forward a couple of weeks later and I was chatting to another expat Aussie again about the things that had shocked him in the bedroom. Now what struck me again was how sexually conservative antipodean men are compared to British women. Most Aussies are just happy to get their end away and thrilled if they get a blow job. Anything more than that, well, it’s a bit kinky.

It led me to reflect on things that have shocked me in the bedroom in my single bachelor days when I first came to the UK.

1)     She wanted to talk dirty – yes I am ashamed to admit I had the same reaction as my downunder compatriots

2)     She pulled me that night in a bar, wanted anal (well OK, a bit different but I was in a new country, so should try new things) and then to be peed on (Whoa Nelly!)

3)     Another girl from a night club went straight for asphyxiation, starting with a bit of strangulation, then just to make things a bit different some smothering with a pillow

4)     Perhaps most strangely unsettling of all, the girl I met from a pub who wanted to be ‘fucked really god damn hard’ doggy style. And by lord did she mean hard. All those years of being told to treat women nicely and with respect made this one particularly challenging.

All of these things, I have to say dear readers did really shock me at the time. Though in the grand spirit of international relations and the adventure of travel, I gave them a go as requested. After all of this I read the chapter in Kate’s Fox’s brilliant book Watching the English about how in the English bedroom there are no rules and essentially anything goes. Which made me feel much better that I just hadn’t clearly been hanging out in really kinky clubs and bars (that was the surprising thing, the places I met these girls were in no way kinky, they were usually a bit posh, or homey type pubs). And it has to be said, after getting over the shock, it was all actually rather fun.

I’m intrigued, are you as squeamish as us antipodeans? What has shocked you in the bedroom?



Anonymous said...

Nothing so far, though I can't claim to have had much experience. But my attitude has always been to be open, relaxed, try whatever you or they feel like, and are comfortable with. If it doesn't work, you don't have to do it again.

As I said to a friend recently who is a virgin and recently acquired a girlfriend, it's not experience that matters, but enthusiasm. You can always try until it works and there's nothing wrong with not being an expert right away. If someone doesn't value you enough to be patient while you learn, they're not worth your time. Imntsho.

I've also been perfectly happy to laugh at myself and others if sex hasn't gone according to plan and I think if you can be that uninhibited about it, it helps too. It helps de-mystify sex if you accept that it doesn't always work.

I don't think Brits are necessarily that squeamish. We just don't talk about sex much. Which is a real shame. I try to encourage people, but they're not all as willing to share as I am!

Peridot (former escort, current dominatrix) said...

If you had told me ten years ago that I would grow to love doing men from behind with a strap-on, I might have been shocked. But as a pro domme and former escort, almost nothing sexual shocks me anymore.

Lilith said...

A British guy once told me: whatever you do, never say sorry during sex. If you absolutely screw up, just say "that did not work" and go on with something else.

That honestly shocked me! In a positive way though: how could the reserved, hardly-speaking-about-sex British have such a lovely and healthy view on sex?
I'd love to find out if more British men feel this way ;).

Lily Lane said...

How old were you when you left Australia?

I have always felt that squeamishness, or lack thereof, was more dependant on age than nationality. I prefer older men (older, not old) but I've shagged guys close to my own age too. The boys were squeamish, the men were not.

As for things that I have found shocking in the bedroom - none so far in my personal experience. I have relished the challenges as they have come along. I do have limits though. Anything involving piss/shit/blood/vomit/burning is beyond me at this point.

Anonymous said...

I wasn't thrilled to learn that a) my sister had rimmed her boyfriend and b) a bit of poo accidentally came out and went in her mouth.

juliette said...

Completely unshockable!! (well, as long as I'm not expected to work with children or animals...)

The whole 'being brought up to treat women with respect' thing - I think this is the sort of thing that has blighted my sex life for the last 12 years!!!

Seriously, a lot of women (me included) like a lot harder core stuff than rough doggy style - but the boyfriend doesn't offer, and we don't ask! Because popular wisdom says 'nice girls' don't, and if we do, the boyfriend will think we're some sort of sicko :-)

If you'd like to read about a girl's point of view on all this jazz, please check out my blog - thenewadventuresofjuliette.blogspot.com

love your blog anyway!

J x