Right, a very simple question, this; what was the worst, most horrible, toe-curlingly wrong chat-up line you’ve ever delivered, or heard? And did it work? And no, I don’t mean any of that ‘Are you from Tennessee?’ shit that you hear in crappy American films - I mean proper, why-the-fuck-did-I-say-that? randomness.
Naturally, I’ve had a couple that were the kamikaze pilots of chat-up lines, so much so that I might as well have wrapped a hanky around my forehead and burned a couple of incense sticks before I said them. The first, and by far the worst, came from a prank call CD I had where a bloke pretended to be a woman and then conned assorted gullible horndogs into phone sex.
One of which - involving a bloke pretending to be the entire cast of Star Wars having an S&M orgy - was so pant-pissingly funny that I vowed to use the key line in front of my mates the next time the opportunity arose. Actually, now I think about it, it’s pretty grim; "Chewbacca wants some cunt" I can’t even remember who I said it to, or when, so it must mean I was clubbed into unconsciousness after I said it.
(Me and my mates still use it, but not as a chat-up line; it’s now a term for desperately needing something, right now, by all means necessary. I can ask a mate at work to hurry up a deadline, and he’ll stall for time, and I’ll say "no, there can be no excuses. You know what Chewbacca wants")
The second one is something I still mix into my repertoire every now and then. Like most of my chat-up lines, it comes from watching something stupid with mates over a takeaway curry and some cans, hearing a killer line, and shouting "Fucking hell! That’s mint! Next time I’m on the pull, I’m gonna use that - and I will get some". It was taken from the classic Kung Fu movie The One-Armed Boxer, and involves pretending to be the bad guy of the film, leaning in on the lady in question, and saying "Neearrrgggghh….you’re pretty!" in a lecherous manner.
Amazingly, the first time I used it, the girl in question said "Oh my God! Am I really? You’re lovely!" (I could have sealed the deal quite easily, but didn’t because she was the sister of the girlfriend my flatmate had just dumped and it would have been nightmarishly complicated. Not least because she might have had a thing about Kung Fu baddies and I would have had to kept up the accent all night.
So anyway; what’s yours? Let’s get a bank of really horrific chat-up lines going, and them set them in concrete and tip them into the nearest river so they can never be used again.
(Oh, and I did say "I’m going to fuck you like Marvin Gaye" to one girl I know, but that was in a dream I had the other week, and therefore doesn’t really count. Not until the next time I get pissed up and say it, anyway)