Monday, 11 May 2009
'Mr Sex' on this new male contraceptive injection thing
So, there's been a big fuss about the announcement of a new jab that could be the Male Pill we've all be waiting for. And this one, by the sound of it, might just work. Mint. Finally, just like women nearly fifty years ago, men get to cast off their fears about pregnancy and become more sexually liberated and up for one-night stands and stuff like that, because it's about time. I'm already lining up a few mini-skirts for myself.
Thing is, whenever I read anything about a Male Pill, my mind goes back to the first nudey book I ever chanced across, in the mid-70s, and an advert I saw for something called The Vascectomy Club. On payment of a couple of quid - and I swear blind I'm not making this up - you could buy a tie and a blazer badge that would subtly let all the womenfolk know that you had had The Snip and wouldn't get them up the stick. And when applying for this club, did you have to supply proof of said snip? Did you fuck (70s wank mags were horrible like that - I must write about them one day).
But anyway, when you think about it, the idea of a Male Pill as a cure-all has been dead in the water for over a quarter of a century, hasn't it? Alright, let's say that a Male Pill (or a Male Jab or a Male Suppository or a Male Anything) comes onto the market, and it works. Putting aside the fact that a lot of men are more than capable of forgetting or not being arsed to take medication for heart problems, it's going to be a boon for those of us in monogamous relationships. But what about us single and eligible shag-rats? Here's a quick questionnaire;
If there was a Male Pill and it worked, would I take it?
Hell motherflippin' yes. Johnnies are horrible.
Would any woman I came into contact with believe me when I said I had?
In a pig's arse would she.
And what protection from STDs would this Pill give me and her?
Precisely fuck all.
And there you go. The Male Pill is an inevitability, but unless you could take it in front of your partner and it worked immediately, or if everyone who signed up for it had an LCD screen embedded in their forehead that flashed; "YES, HE'S ON IT, DON'T PANIC", nothing is really going to change, regardless of what the papers tell you. We're still going to have to wait for the pub toilets to be completely empty before furtively shoving three quid in the johnny machine.