Tuesday, 26 May 2009

Dan: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

(...and especially an insecure woman who thinks she’s been scorned)

Forgive me for being silent for so long. I’ve been so busy I’ve barely had time for eating and sleeping. While thoughts of sex have never been far from my mind, they’ve not had a hugely thoughtful edge to them. I didn’t think six paragraphs of ‘I want some, I want some, I want some, I want some, I want some’, would be particularly interesting reading for you.

I was treated to an interesting display of ‘female scratch-cattery’ the other week during a meeting that turned into a bit of a night out. I’m doing some work with a friend – lets call him Pete – on a new charity comedy night. After the meeting finished, we met up with his girlfriend, a mutual female friend of ours and a few others who joined us later.

This mutual friend is lovely – good looking, husky voice and interesting with a brilliant sense of humour. She is also a natural flirt. Guys who first meet her usually think she fancies them because during conversations she will touch you on the wrist or shoulder, sometimes even your leg. She never seems bored of what you’re saying, always asking more questions to learn more – smiling as she does so.

(A pet peeve of mine is people who can’t hold conversations, and in my experience, a lot of people can’t. Ever had that situation where you ask somebody something; they answer for about five minutes while you nod looking interested; and then they just let the conversation die by not asking you something in return?)

In short, she is very engaging and so you want to engage with her in return. She buys drinks for people too - not standing on outdated etiquettes. All this – coupled with lovely eyes and a winning smile – mean sex appeal radiates from this girl like a shockwaves from an earthquake.
It also means that any girl who happens not to know her doesn’t realise she is happily in a relationship and sooooo not interested in that girl’s boyfriend, and therefore loathe her instantly and instinctively. I’ve seen it several times – it’s almost comic.

Ladies have a sixth sense for threat, I think, and evidently Pete’s girlfriend felt threatened because she did the ‘anti-vaginal magnet hug’. You’ve all seen this before – usually between two girls who know each other but don’t like each other – they hug, pretending to like each other for the benefit of everybody else in the group.

But if you look at the hug, it’s like their pelvises have strongly opposing magnets in them so the only parts that get remotely close are the head and arms, so they briefly resemble an inverted ‘v’. If you haven’t seen it, watch out for it – any time there is a power struggle in a group of women that hug is evident, as neither lady wants to be seen as the ‘bitch’ in the group.

Anyhow, so there we were, everybody laughing and joking. We all ended up back at my mate’s flat for a few drinks and then the mutual friend makes her excuses and leaves. So far, I’ve not really spotted any issues during the night - people have all been chatting, and conversations have been flowing like expenses cash into Hazel Blears’s bank account.

But almost as soon as the front door closed, my mate’s girlfriend kicked off worse than Drogba on a diving course, accusing my friend of carrying on and practically fucking this girl on the coffee table.

‘You’re such a dick… how dare you? – you know what you’ve done! blah blah, yadda yadda, call me a taxi now you pig, I’m going to sleep at mine tonight!’ (A really stupid tactic, it seems to me, if you are actually worried about losing your boyfriend to another woman).

Jealousy is a pretty ugly thing when rendered in such stark and obvious form (whichever sex is the one on the jealous spree – and guys defiantly do it too!). Pete was perplexed because he and I had spent most of the evening chatting about business (very dull of us) and the rest talking with the other people who had joined us later. At no time had Pete’s girlfriend taken him to one side and simply asked him about any perceived over familiarity. In the end, her reaction just made her look ridiculous and monstrously insecure.

All this after Pete has told me he and his lady had discussed marriage. God forbid the bridesmaids are even remotely attractive, because somebody might get injured. Can you stab somebody with a bouquet?


Anonymous said...

As a bloke we can't possibly expect you to understand but a girl who will buy drinks, flirt naturally and behave like that around a girl's BOYFRIEND?

Around single guys... fine... whatever... but around a guy who is taken? That is unacceptable behaviour. It is called being a prick tease and she ought to be ashamed of herself.

Get some class, woman.

Anonymous said...

You seem extremely biased against your friend's girlfriend. Her reaction sounds normal to me. Plus you spent a couple of paragraphs outlining how perfect this girl is.

Also flirting is something that comes with time and practise. If this girl is good at it I imagine she does it a lot. The fact that she's convinced you to publicly defend her pathological desire to seek male attention should at least give you some idea of why women don't like people like her.

TheRose said...

God, paranoid jealousy is boring. And flirting is fun.

Oh, and gigantic ranty explosions are an excellent way to get dumped.

Good luck to your mate. Rather him than me.

Lynx said...

It looks to me like the jealous and insecure girlfriend has a couple of friends, both called Anonymous!

If the mutual friend was (for example) a female rugby player complete with a bit of a belly and a cauliflower ear, she would just be considered "one of the lads" and there would be no problem!

Anonymous said...

The problem isn't the flirting girl. The problem is that Pete's girlfriend has absolutely no trust in Pete. Unless Pete has a history of cheating on her -- which she can't blame on flirting woman.

Kriss said...

Don't you think someone with enough EI to be such a successful natural flirt also has enough nouse to know the effect this behaviour, and the reaction she gets, has on other women? And maybe likes it?

If this woman doesn't behave like that with other women, and it's only men who get the benefit of her sparkling conversation, flirty touching and drinks buying, then it's hardly surprising women feel their fur being rubbed up the wrong way. Particularly if most men respond to it in the same way you do Dan!

The threat, in terms of actually copping off, may be nonexistent, but it's powertripping all the same, and if so, it's a form of aggression that is very difficult to deal with because other people don't notice, think that flirty girl is 'just being nice' and can't see why it winds women up so much.

GF gets marked down for not having the political sense to deal with it differently , but I've been in her position (and reacted just the same unfortunately, years ago) and it's horrible, button-pushing stuff.

Stefanie said...

I agree with Kriss! I think if she was acting the same way with men and woman, I'd have no problem, I'd probably like her, everyone likes attention!
But I've seen too many girls who act like that around guys and ignore girls they also tend to have hardly any female friends!

Pedro said...

Then talk with your bloke during the issue and do not wait until the end of the night to burst.

If you talk with your bf chances are he will understand your point because from that moment on he will be on alert to analyse the situation the same way as you do. Otherwise he won't. And when you blow up you'll seem to be paranoid.

P.S.: even so, I must say it is better to burst at the end of the night and explain what you felt than to keep it in during a week or so waiting for your bloke to understand what the hell happened -- which he won't :D

Anonymous said...

As a few people above noticed, someone acting in that manner is trying to assert their sexual dominance in the company. Having known several girls like that over the years, they do have a type: no close female friends, unable to establish a friendship with a man which is not based, to some degree, on (his) sexual adoration and, surprise surprise, they tend to be deeply insecure.

While the gf may have reacted somewhat excessively, she was ultimately right.

Ys said...

Sounds to me like they were all facilitating each other. The girl got a confidence boost; the boyfriend got to feel wanted; the girlfriend got to let off steam; they probably had great make-up sex. And the cycle will continue... ;) It's what makes the world go round, after all.

butterflywings said...

Kriss, Stefanie and (last) Anon are right.
Can't stand those women.

That said, the gf, although in the right, reacted excessively and made herself look crazy...
not to mention nicely falling into the sexist old 'a woman scorned' stereotypes, surprised the author didn't mention bunny boiling.

Jealousy is never attractive, true, but men are just as capable of it as women.

AJK said...

Yeah, if the woman in question behaved like that toward everyone - not just guys - it would be different, but it doesn't sound like that's the case. Flirting like that IN FRONT of the person's partner is more than a little ungracious, actually. A bit of respect is called for, I believe - you don't touch other people's partners' legs and hands in that sort of manner while ignoring their partner. Guys lap that stuff up, though, and those who refuse to see how rude it is to their partner almost deserve the following tantrum! (Which is of course terrible manners, too.)