Something for the Ladies # 28

Ladies: If there's ever been anything about men you've wanted to know but were afraid to ask, or wanted a male viewpoint on a certain relationship niggle you're going through, drop an email to us at todger dot talk @ googlemail dot com. We shall pick one out and answer it to the best of our capabilities.

This week's question...

Anonymous writes: My boyfriend and I have been together two years. However, we had a brief break-up a year ago when he had a drunken fumble with a mutual 'friend' of ours.

I'm about to move to France with work for six months, and we were positive about continuing long distance for that time. However, I have just found out from one of his friends that he is about to move into her house (with several others) as her father owns the house and has offered them cheap rent.

Upon questioning, he said he was putting off telling me as was worried about my reaction, and he's only doing it because of the cheap rent. He's offered to pull out and live somewhere else if I'm not comfortable with it but I'm not sure that offer is sincere, plus I know he really needs somewhere with cheap rent.

I'm tempted to cut and run, as I don't want to have to be in France wondering if he's got pissed and shagged her. Or am I being unreasonable?

‘Mr Sex’ says: Yes. You are being totally unreasonable. Here would be the reasoned, thought-out and rational response to such a development;

1) Punching him right in his twattish face for even knocking about with this woman after what happened, let alone thinking about moving in with her

2) Kicking him squarely in the groin for not having the balls to even tell you about this – not because he was worried about your reaction (see how he turns it all onto you?), but because he knows he’s wrong

3) Taking a hammer to his kneecaps for being a deceitful, cowardly mingebag

4) Nobbing him off entirely, and shacking up with, I dunno, a mime artiste. Or some bloke in a Breton shirt who sells onions on a bike.

That may sound a bit harsh, but come the fuck on, me dear. The first rule of post-affair relationship-mending is that the offending party has to take steps to cut the other person out of their life as completely as possible. The fact that he’s intending to share a microwave with her suggests to me that he’s either still up for a portion off her, or he’s thicker than Barry White’s shit on Boxing Day morning. Either way, he’s completely disrespecting you at a time when you’re going through massive upheaval in your life.

You obviously don’t like this woman, and the idea that she’s still hanging about gets your hackles up – so if he can’t see that, he’s being ridiculously insensitive, and the fact that he's offering to backpedal is more to do with him being found out than him having a scrap of decency. You’re obviously going to be wound up to buggery while you’re away in any case whether he moves in or not - so give this bell-end his P45 of Love, get yourself over the Channel, and help yourself to a hefty slice of French Fancy.

Sam says: Let's face facts, here; you are in a rubbish relationship. And, if you choose to stick with it, it's about to get even more rubbish. Yes, long-distance relationships have every chance of working out, but only when there is a very high level of mutual trust and respect. You are getting - and will continue to get - neither from this bloke.

As 'Mr Sex' points out, when you've been tempted in a relationship, you have to remove that temptation. He's already put his hand in the fire and gone 'Ow'. Now he's giving himself every opportunity to put his hand back in again and again, leaving you with a charred arm of a relationship. My advice; dump him, move on, and go and find someone who will treat you with the decency you deserve.

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