Tuesday, 9 December 2008

Sam: Ouch that hurts

My clients go through some rough and tumble, but one of them recently went to through something that took the cake. She and her man had been going through a really tough time and he had been wanting to ‘talk’ (coming from a man it’s nearly always bad news). So they got together for their ‘talk’, were walking along together and then he spilt the beans:

‘I think you ought to know, I’m going to change my relationship status on Facebook’.

We have all heard of people being dumped on Facebook, or by text but somehow this is so much more pathetic, so much more ridiculous. This is a man who is so gutless that when he try’s to do something face to face he has to use a website as a prop to dump someone. I’m still trying to put my finger on why this is so outrageous, gutless, spineless and well just leaves me a bit flabbergasted. You know what it is – he was pretending to have the guts to do it face to face, but in reality used an electronic dumping prop. In my books that is more gutless than just facing up to what a spineless scumbag you are and doing it on the internet or by text.

I guess that you can tell this really got my goat. Feel free to share and vent your own spleen if you need a bit of public catharsis. Certainly made me feel better.


Jack said...

He's using Facebook as a crutch and somewhere deep down he's got a way to weasel out if indeed he does change his mind.

It's like saying, "I think I want to stop telling my friends we're together." He's not saying he wants to break up but he's saying he no longer wants to publicly acknowledge the relationship.

Anyway, slimy and gutless. Probably half the reason why the relationship failed.

Anonymous said...

It's always a bit of a strange feeling to change your relationship status after you break up with someone. Especially when it's been a gradual thing. It's like standing up and making a public announcement, which feels kind of strange even though most friends already know about it.

Also, how far into a relationship do you get before you change your status to 'in a relationship'? As I've found before, it's usually something that requires a slightly embarrassing conversation. Embarrassing mainly because it's admitting that facebook actually plays a fairly important role in your life. There's also the occasion where one person changes their status and the other doesn't, which can be a bit awkward, even when it usually just means that one person is slightly less reliant on the internet for social stuff than the other.

I'm rambling a bit and not exactly on topic, but these are all things that have crossed my mind recently.

Anonymous said...

that is REALLY bad, its almost like he's saying I want to be publicly broken up, but don't want to officially break up so that I can still get some or because I don't have the balls to do it. I say she's better of without that loser, but that's got to suck as a way to find out...

Darius said...

Hmm maybe I'm stupid but didn't the guy sit down with her though and tell her face to face just in a round about way?
It would be worse if she went onto facebook and HER status said she was no longer in a relationship! Ha ha good post

thene said...


That's an awful story, Sam; worst I've ever had was being dumped by poem, which was at least vaguely romantic, but really, why the fuck didn't she say something sooner?

I've seen the reliance on tech more at/just prior to the beginning of relationships, esp. from guys who won't stop text-messaging you 5 times a day.

Sheherazade said...

Well, at least he did do it face to face rather than just changing it and not telling her and then not calling or returning calls. This recently happened to a friend of mine. She had been seeing someone for 3 months when he just stopped calling her and wouldn't take or return her calls. Talk about gutless. What's with that anyway? This seems to happen quite frequently. I had that happen as well, after going out with someone 3 times, instead of just saying that he didn't think it was going to work, he just stopped calling or returning calls. Dumb.

J said...

Dumping someone is always ugly, and being dumped is always at the very least a bit humiliating. This way seems really ugly - I think you hit the nail on the head; using the website as a tool because he was too spineless to talk openly about his reasons for leaving. It's... vile, and frankly displays what an idiot this guy was, and that she's much better to be shot of him. On the other hand, when break ups are particularly pathetic, at least the amount of regret she'll feel being without him will be minimal at best!

Generally though, I think people come up with any way they can to avoid talking honestly. "I think we should see other people" - I mean, the "we" is like implying that the break up is some kind of mutual understanding the two people have come to, not just, "I want to see other people". "It's not you, it's me" is another corker, usually followed by, "You're a gorgeous, smart, funny person; I know you'll find someone who'll love you so much more than me". You're telling them they're better off without you. If they thought that was true, they wouldn't be with you in the first place.

If you ask me, the least cowardly approach includes the words, "I'm sorry", "I care about you", "this relationship isn't giving me what I need" and "I hope we can remain friends". You can choose to throw in other reasons, but I think those are the basics.

hannah said...

I don't put my relationship status on facebook. I'll tell people if I think they need to know, one way or the other.

It's certainly a rubbish way of going about these things. Though there's no "good" way of breaking up with someone. Someone close to me was broken up with recently, after five years together, and he did it face to face rather than by phone or whatever, but I don't think she was any less devastated. I know there are degrees of awful, but I think I'd find it easier to get over someone who dumped me by text because it would show me what a cowardly shit they were.

Anonymous said...

Personally I would love to be dumped by a medium other than text or Email,at 32 I have only been dumped once face to face (and that was because i did a REALLY bad thing) otherwise its been the text emssage from women 'I dont think its working' 'Its me not you' or they simply stop responding to my calls and answering their doors or always 'Busy'

Ahhh relationships such a darn headache

Innocent Loverboy said...

I always thought a 12-year-old fanfic writer was the worst kind of person. I now stand thoroughly corrected.

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha - we're a product of technology. Other examples:

"I think you ought to know, I've blocked you on MSN Messenger"

"I think you ought to know, my avatar has met someone else on Second Life"

"I think you ought to know, I've deleted your contact details from my blackberry"