Now, if you've had the slightest read of Todger Talk, you'll know that we stand four-square behind the following truths;
1. Sex is natural.
2. Sex is good.
3. Not everybody does it, but everybody should.
4. Sex is natural.
5. Sex is fun.
6. The Tenga Fliphole is the best male sex toy in the world, bar none.
How so? Let us count the ways in which it rings all the bells; It doesn't look like a hacked-off bit of lady-bit, it does things to your manhood that no human can, and - most importantly - it's a piece of piss to clean. For anyone who owns one, it's the best thing you can do to your nob bar giving it a regular wash and not trapping it in lift doors. So much so, in fact, that it seems impossible to improve upon.
So when I was alerted to the fact that they've brought out a new one (finished in black), and asked if I'd like to have a bang on it, my immediate answer was 'Really?' and 'Hell motherflipping yes'. And here it is...
Instruction Sample: Actually, I can't remember getting one, as I mangled up the packaging in a frenzy to get at it. You don't need one. It's a sex toy. Locate hole, lob in your giggle-stick, and the rest writes itself.
You will also need: A stand-by supply of lube. As before, there are three sample stoppers of Tenga's very own Real, Mild and Wild lube, but unlike other sex toys (that get shoved so bar back into the wardrobe that they end up somewhere in Narnia), this is something you're going to want to use long after the samples run out.
Looks like: Something that is NONE MORE BLACK. No longer does it resemble a room deodorizer - it now takes on the shape and form of a ridiculously expensive 7" speaker. Leave it on your living room shelf, and your mates - who would have taken a tentitive sniff at it before - will now strain their ears towards it. But the really important developments are inside, as Tenga have completely - fnarr - retooled what is known round here as the Nobsticle Course. Cop a load of this;
Feels like: Well, as you can see, they've gone heavily for the Toblerone look for your shaft, before encasing your bell-end in a tight cocoon of nobbles, bobbles, ribs, ridges and fronds. Imagine that you were a giant, and you decided to have penetrative sex with the world's most expensive bouncy castle. That's exactly what it feels like. And yes, it is better than the original.
Clean-up: Again, dead easy; slide out the side bits, open the clam-shell, rinse it out, prop it up on the side-bits, leave to dry.
Partner compatibility: Er, no.
Pros: The best male sex toy in the world now looks and feels better.
Cons: Bit more expensive than the original, but extremely worth it. Look out, all you plastic fannies, rubber arseholes and grubby wank-sleeves; there is a new king in town.
The Tenga Flip Hole Black, £79.99, kindly provided by Lovehoney.co.uk